“In a Relationship” with Facebook

Facebook almost ruined my life.

I was one of the last people to jump on board the facebook train.

My profile picture was the question mark for about a year before I let the social media world know what I actually looked like.  At first I really didn’t care much for the site. I would randomly check in, seldom comment on anything and almost never update my status.

Then, it happened.

I discovered that my ex-boyfriend was on facebook.

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We had a bad breakup and did not remain friends, which was one hundred percent my call.  We had one of those tumultuous on and off relationships that ran on for about a year too long before I finally mustered up the nerve to cut him off, cold turkey.  I could’ve used an intervention.  Yes, he was my addiction.

It had been a while since I’d even thought about him, but then there he was writing on a mutual friend’s wall, his shiny profile pic with him and some mystery girl smiling into the camera.

I wear my emotions out there for the whole world to see.  Seriously.  I’m really bad at pretending that I am okay when I’m not.  I have no emotional poker face.  I didn’t need a mirror to know that my face instantly flushed red.  My heart actually started hammering; vibrating my chest and pounding in my ears before plummeting straight into my stomach.

It was like being hit by a truck.

I wish that I could say that I just brushed it off.  That I simply logged off and went about my day.  But that was not the case.  I logged in, probably twenty times a day and all of a sudden I found it very important that I have a profile picture up, that I had some masterful status that would showcase that not only am I happy without him but that
I’m having fun and have a great career and guys are all over me and I’m hilarious and irresistible all wrapped into one.  Not an easy feat, by the way.

This might be old news to you.   You’ve probably facebook stalked a person or two in your time, checking to see who writes on their wall, what their status is and what they are commenting on, etc

But have you ever stalked someone that you didn’t even have as a friend?!

It was seriously the ultimate low in my life.  Looking at his friends list to see who he was friends with, going through their pictures to see what he’s doing and more importantly who he’s dating.

Sure, it would have been nice to see if he got fat or something, but it was the girl that I was interested in.  What is with us girls and being so competitive?  And to top it all off, I was the one who ended it with him.  Why did I even care?

Well, the good news is that I eventually did stop caring.  And the addiction went away, but just like I had to quit him, I had to give up facebook cold turkey.  Just completely cut it off.  No random pokes to people or quick looks at my inbox.  Nothing!

And I just want to put this out there that I think this generation has the hardest time when it comes to dating.  Sure there are countless dating sites and social networks and it just seems that there is a limitless supply of ways to meet new people.  But with all those outlets, just comes more ways to be rejected.  If he doesn’t call you, he can
always email you. Or send you a facebook message or write on your wall or even tweet you! What if he doesn’t do any of those things?  Then you’ve just been phased out in like, ten different ways!  It never ends!

And it’s just more ways to see what your ex is up to, too.  It’s almost impossible for this generation to successfully move on from relationships.  One cannot be blissful without being ignorant, and I would just rather be ignorant to all of my exes love lives, thank you very much.

Moving on, I still have a very love – hate relationship with “the book”.  Almost every day I grapple with completely taking down my entire profile and am always openly envious when I hear that someone has actually mustered up the courage to do it.  I’ve changed my name and still rarely update my status.  My privacy settings restrict all of my pictures and videos and no one can see whose wall I’m writing on.  So, tell me… what is the point in even having it?

I’m fully over stalking people and I really don’t care about what other people are doing, so what is keeping me there?

Seriously, I think facebook is my new addiction.  I’m in a relationship with it.  But, how do I break up with it?