Incontinence, Birth Side Effect

You know that dream where you go to school in white pants and have an accident? I had that dream yesterday at the gym – only I wasn’t sleeping.

I was on the elliptical machine and I had to cough. Aware of my tendency to “leak” I stopped running, squeezed my thighs as tight as possible and did my best Kegle (a vajayjay exercise doctors say will strengthen pelvic muscles). But, I pretty much peed my pants anyway – in light beige shorts.

I rushed to the bathroom with the magazine covering me from behind and my 32 ounce water bottle covering my crotch. You could totally see the spot and there were like 100 people in there. I even had to go sign the kids out of the nursery before I could make my escape.

This is not something I knew about before I had children. Actually, I thought you had to have like 10 kids before your bladder started to go. But, I guess nine months of two kids using the bladder as a trampoline is enough to do some damage.

Evidently, the bladder always has something in it. I leak even when I don’t even feel like I have to go to the bathroom.

Zack is a year old already and I’ve been faithfully doing my Kegles. But I still can’t jump on the trampoline, jog, take kickboxing or aerobics classes. I also can’t sneeze, belly laugh or cough.

I’m starting to think perhaps Kegles is not enough. Though, of course, I’m doing them right now. I’m going to need daily panty liners in the short term (a mother of four children shared this little secret with me). And perhaps laser vaginal rejuvenation surgery is on my horizon to cure what is apparently called stress urinary incontinence.

Good Grief. I’m clinically incontinent, as are 30 million other women according to this surgeon’s website. The website also notes that a side benefit of this surgery is better sex. (For which party I wonder?) According to a Medicine Plus article which lists several potential cures: * You can get a “cone” thing to hold on to while doing a Kegle.
* If you can’t figure out how to do a Kegle they will give you electrical stimulation, as in put a probe in the vagina and sent it an electrical shock to help you identify the pelvic muscles necessary to perform one.
* Drugs are also an option, though somehow phenylpropanolamine and pseudoephedrine, common over the counter medicines, are among the list.
* Collagen injections can be used to sort of plug up the urethra.Aren’t those a bizarre bunch of options? I think surgery is actually the least strange solution.