Intimacy In Real Life
May 17, 2009 by Eve McKinsey
Filed under Relationships
What is intimacy?
Is it sex? A kiss? Laughter? A squeeze of the hand? Or is it something more than that?
Those butterflies in your stomach when you’re going out on a first date…or the surge of excitement right before the doors open at the airport and your eyes search to find your lover is standing on the other side..or the anticipation right after you say “I love you” for the first time and maybe/maybe not that other person will say it back?
Image: stock.xchng
Is that intimacy?
I think intimacy is a lot of things, but I don’t think any of the above could be labeled as such. Sure, a lot of it is love. Some lust. Some just the general sense of newness that most of us crave throughout our lives.
But intimacy to me is something more. The Merriam-Webster’s definition is decidedly lackluster (“something of a personal or private nature”) and even Wikipedia’s attempt (“a familiar and very close connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other.”) conveys a great deal of bias.
So what the heck is it?
Here is how I see intimacy, since a suitable definition alludes me.
Intimacy is…
…knowing that he is pretending to still be sleeping while you’re doing early morning chores – and finding that endearing.
…being able to say “I stepped in a puddle on the way home so my shoes are going to reek when I take them off. Just sayin’.” and knowing he’ll still love you and think you’re pretty.
…calling each other on your flaws and personality quirks, but in a way to help each other grow and become better people.
…not laughing when he almost refers to himself as a chef in Williams & Sonoma, only two weeks after first picking up a cookbook (but teasing him about it later and both of you laughing about it – without judgement.)
…knowing how your partner sleeps (I toss and turn, he’s solidly in one place all night) and feeling like the bed is empty when it’s just you there.
…picking up on the languages and vocabulary in each others professions/passions through osmosis – or rather, because you both were actually listening to all those ramblings over dinner.
…always saying “I love you” when you feel it, and totally meaning it, because we only get so many chances to say it.
What is intimacy to you?
I think that those little in-things couples say are a form of intimacy. For example, when my boyfriend and I decided that we wanted to see if things would really work between us, despite the distance we live apart, I said, “I’m in it to win it,” and I meant it, even though I said it in a funny way. Since then, we’ve both repeated that at different times, the last time being last night, when we were reaffirming our future plans. We also have a silly habit of saying, “Yay!” a few times a day in text. These are little things that would seem like nothing to someone else, but to us, they are big, they connect us, remind of us that we are a team.
As always, I really enjoyed your post.