Is It Too Soon?

I find it eerie that Oliver Stone’s new movie World Trade Center opens today. Not because of anything particularly concrete or poignant related to September 11th–it’s simply the weather. Five years ago, the event that many of us still contemplate and, in our private moments, still mourn…happened on a day just like today.

It’s mythological by now, but that day truely was crystal-clear, with an azure sky and comfortable temperatures. There was a faint fragrance to it which reminds one that autumn is in the air…and with it, a hopefulness that the shift to a new season brings. Nothing is more beautiful than a New York morning in the Fall.

Only, it doesn’t seem like five years ago…and it doesn’t seem like yesterday either. It just feels like the softly muted pain and images of that day are, and always will be, part of me.

So I wonder, is it too soon to see this movie? Can I sit in a movie theater (trapped), watching the bigness of it all? Can I bear having to look up to a movie screen–in the same way we looked up to the skies on that day? Will I feel the ghosts all over again?

What if I learn things about myself that I never wanted to learn–that I am intolerant? That I’m still angry? That I’m still frightened? or that I’m human–which is what the film seems to be about…how we as human beings might behave, react, survive…or not…during such horror.

I don’t think it’s too soon to tell this story, but I don’t think I’m ready…and I may never be. But I will always hope for days as beautiful as this day.