It’ll Be Different
March 26, 2009 by Jeff Stimpson
Filed under Health
What threw me about Alex at last spring’s Passover in our home was his behavior a year before: He didn’t exactly sit with us, but he hung around the table and seemed to want to participate, flirted with asking the questions and delighted, of course, at the presents at night’s end.
So last year? He wouldn’t leave the TV, and wouldn’t even keep it turned down. He refused to come to the table, refused to join in at all. I’m not Jewish, but Jill is and so was everybody else there, about six guests.
Though it’s absolutely always my last resort, I saw it as my job to take him out, much as I would’ve if he’d been disturbing people too much in a restaurant. I hesitated to surrender Passover 2008 to autism, but I also thought of it as a duty to my guests. I was the only non-Jewish celebrant.
He and I had a good time at a coffee shop, where Alex scarfed his chicken and ate all his ice cream. I had a cheeseburger. Delicious, but not the meal either of us should have been having. “Next year, Alex, we won’t do this.”
If this year isn’t different, it won’t be Jill’s fault. “Passover is about the kids,” she’s maintaining in the same tone of voice she gets when she’s determined to pick up the bedroom, the same tone she used when she knew what was right about his medical care, the same tone she used when she knew we’d found Alex the right kindergarten teacher. Passover IS all about the kids: They ask the four questions, they learn about their people’s history.
So we’ll warm Alex up with a wooden toy Passover set (which he’s kind of obsessed with). We’ve planned a couple of practice Seders, and we plan to shorten the real ceremony and to practice the questions with him.
With autism, it never seems to be the trouble you expect that floors you. But I’m confident that I will not be eating a cheeseburger on this year’s different night. I imagine Alex will, however, still find the presents to be the highlight.
The ASA has a good primer on involving children with autism in all kinds of religious events, including Passover, at http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=life_fam_religion
Jill and I also have an older podcast about holiday experiences in general, at http://jillandjeff.podbean.com/2007/11/18/happy-holidays/
