It’s Okay To Say No

A friend of mine gets asked out on a lot of dates. She is friendly, outgoing, good looking, but cute as she is, I think it’s her attitude that draws them in. Normally, a situation like a wealth of dates would seem like a good thing, but in her case, it can be overwhelming.

Frequently, she accepts a date and then immediately regrets it. That’s when the panic starts. How am I going to get out of it? Why did I say yes? I’m not really attracted to this guy, she will say. I tell her that she does not have to accept just because she is asked. She does not owe anyone a date.

Sometimes she will decide that no, she is not going out with a guy and she will have a good reason…he lives too far away and she would never relocate to his area, he drinks too much, he is too young, he is too old, but then  somehow she finds that she has agreed to plans at a later date.

I think that part of the reason this happens is that women are conditioned to be polite. We want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. We don’t want to appear cold or unfeeling or bitchy.  There has to be a balance.

I think we need to listen to our gut more. Have an open mind. Maybe a guy has more to offer than we thought. For example, he might be willing to relocate if you don’t like where he lives, he’s actually closer to your age than he looks, whatever, but don’t settle if it feels like “settling.” 

Any advice for my friend?  I tell her to say, “No, thank you.”  If she needs to elaborate, she can say, “I’m taking a break from dating.”  She’s not being impolite by refusing. Saying no in the beginning stings a whole lot less than a breakup farther down the line.

Image credit: Sxc.hu