Just Because You’re Twelfth Stepping Them
December 23, 2008 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
It doesn’t mean they’re going to get sober!
I’ve heard a level of frustration in the rooms lately (no doubt happens every Dec.) because folks are 12th Stepping others who just “aren’t getting it!!!”
I can’t get you sober and you can’t get me drunk. I couldn’t get me sober. I do get me drunk! Same, same… for you!
The folks who share their frustrations are sitting in meetings sober!
Hmmmmm???
“Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.”
pg. 102
I have learned that my efforts to help others are not to “keep” anyone else sober. It is simply one of a few simple things I am supposed to do to help me stay sober. I help others to say thanks to those that helped saved my life, to give back to AA, to keep growing spiritually. Helping others provides an endless series of lessons about humility, and is one of the best ways I have to keep a check on my sanity.
Occasionally God puts someone in my path that I can tangibly help – in other words I work with them and they get better. Fortunately or unfortunately it is not up to me to decide the results of my twelfth step efforts. The decision I do get to make is to take action and hold out my hand. The results of my actions are something I need to pay attention too, as I may be able to learn how to be more loving and careful in the help I try to provide, but little is up to me regarding anyone else’s sobriety.
Another aspect of this is that changing my perspective and attitude about helping others has not changed my emotional reaction to the suffering of others. I still get angry and frustrated when people don’t get it. Yes, my ego even does tell me that I can or should will someone else into getting better (as God smiles down on me, hoping I will drop such silly illusions!) Overall though I don’t assign blame as much – to them, me, or God – for anyone’s failure to sober up. I realize now that my emotional duress is a normal human reaction – and alcoholism is an awful and often tragic disease. I have to embrace all of this, feel my pain and other emotions, and keep trudging my sober path.