Keeping Your Cool as an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
January 25, 2009 by Mary Emma Allen
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Have you ever come close to “losing your cool,” as you cared for an Alzheimer’s spouse or parent? Have you had to calm your frustrations when your patient became irritating?
When you’re tired (getting adequate sleep as a full time caregiver becomes challenging), juggling many roles (especially if you’re a mom as well as cargiver) and taking care of a home, possibly even working outside, frustrations come to the foreground more easily. So leaning to keep your cook becomes important so that you don’t fall into the abuse trap.
A British study reveals that Many Alzheimer’s Caregivers Admit to Abusive Behavior. This generally was verbal abuse rather than the physical type. Yelling, swearing, threatening and screaming insults were some reported that the caregivers wished they hadn’t done afterward, but in the frustration of the moment did.
Similar studies have not been done in the United States, according to the article. So the incidence of abuse is known to a lesser degree.
If you need suggestions on how to deal with this situation:
- Check with a local Alzheimer’s support group in your area.
- Find ways to care for yourself and eleviate your stress.
- Find time for yourself away from the caregiving situation.
- Don’t feel you’re the only one who can care for the Alzheimer’s patient.
- Look for small joys.
- Learn to laugh at the situatiions…with the Alzheimer’s patient and with your family.
What have you found that works?
My Dad and I got into an argument last week that took a lot out of both of us. It’s tough living day to day with someone who is stubborn, outspoken, and doesn’t understand practical or safety issues. I don’t know if it was abuse or not, he gave as good as he got, but I’m disappointed in myself, nonetheless. Great post and reminder to do what we can to stay calm and emotionally in control. Thanks!
Thanks, Edie, for stopping by Alzheimer’s Notes and sharing. It is difficult living day to day with someone who has Alzheimer’s and can be very stubborn. They’re also often frightened by what’s happening to them, so strike out verbally and physically at those closest and that often is the caregiver.
When I was caring for Mother, I read somewhere that you could end up becoming very angry at that person and had to be careful you didn’t harm them physically. “No never,” I thought. “She’s my mother.” However, as the tiredness and frustrations grew, I began to understand what the author meant. I had to learn to laugh, to joke with Mother, and make an attempt to stay calm. I also realized I must get away from the caregiving at times and have space for myself.
Actually I was shocked at our dust-up last week as I normally just walk away. I’ve learned quite a few coping skills over the years, and apply them in private. I’ve lived with him since Sept 2006 as his caregiver, and we have a pretty good relationship. Walking away from the situation before it becomes heated usually works for us. Sometimes we have further, calmer discussion later if we need to make a decision. This situation just took me by surprise. Hopefully, it won’t happen again. Thanks again for the article.