Kickin’ Ana’s Scrawny Butt ~ Day Five
July 9, 2008 by angelique
Filed under Women's Health
Before I begin this post, I must say that you people REALLY like jewelry!
So far we have over 100 entries for our Let Freedom ‘Bling’ contest!
Keep ‘em coming and tell your friends to enter, too!
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Okay, so on July 3th I declared that, beginning July 4th, we should all celebrate our independence from Ana (and/or Mia) by doing nice things for ourselves and not allowing our minds to sink into a cesspool of ED-related negativity.
On day one, I really kicked Ana’s scrawny butt. Woo hoo!
However, I must admit that by day five (yesterday), my enthusiasm for the project had waned.
Honestly, it became tough to be nice to myself! My comfort zone is to revert into self-criticism; but I tried to still do some nice things.
Here’s how I celebrated my independence from Ana yesterday… and how I DIDN’T celebrate… on Day Five:
GOOD STUFF I DID ON 7/8/2008:
- Ran outside for about 25 minutes — many hills. Very nice.
- Grazed throughout the day on whatever my body wanted – veggie juice, bread, fruits, shoofly pie (YUM!), sandwiches.
- Went to see a play starring a number of my friends and acquaintances. Fun stuff!
NOT-SO-GOOD STUFF I DID ON 7/8/2008:
- Kept looking in the mirror and obsessing about my thighs. Couldn’t stop staring and wondering why I am so huge right now.
- Focused a lot of negative attention on how much my lower tummy bulges despite my fitness regimen.
I actually had a revelation last night that I needed to have before I could move forward in recovery. I finally figured out why I’m hanging on to my ed. Control is just a symptom.
I’m terrified of losing my loved ones, so I am subconsciously using my ed to get there before them. Incredibly selfish. I know. But at least now I can start exploring where to go from here.