Kindergarky
August 5, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
In The Weekly Standard is a very interesting article, The Kindergarchy, by Joseph Epstein, which illuminates how parenting has shifted into making kids believe they are the Center of The Universe. Which is really not in their best interests.
What I have in mind is something more endemic–a phenomenon that affects large stretches of the middle class: the phenomenon, heightened under Kindergarchy, of simply paying more attention to the upbringing of children than can possibly be good for them. . .
Why shouldn’t parents do all in their power to make their children’s lives less bumpy, more concentrated and carefully planned, thereby increasing their prospects for a happier, more satisfying life? No reason at all, really, except that trying to do so often comes to seem so joyless and the children who emerge from such ultra-careful upbringing so often turn out far from the perfect specimens their parents had imagined. . .
Who would have thought that so much love in the home would result in such far from lovable children? But then, come to think of it, apart from their parents, who would have thought otherwise?
Read on Hovermoms and Helicopter parents.
I tell my oldest child (drama queen) more often than I’d like to that the world does not revolve around her. Thankfully, she and her brother are complete opposites.
The author talks about how these kids grow up and expect college professors and employers to defer to them and bow down to temper tantrums like their own parents who think they are God’s gift to the world. These over-indulged children feel entitled to others stopping hobbies, interests, jobs, plans to take care of their whims. Their parents did – why not everyone?
Fascinating.
I would have similar talks with parents when I was teaching. I would tell them that they were teaching life long habits. We’re training and raising children to be independent and responsible adults, not children who depend on their moms and dads for every little thing. Some parents would say that I was expecting too much of their 13 year old. Oh yes, expecting your child to do their classwork and homework is just TOO MUCH!!! I wonder where these kids are today and if they’ve finally figured out how to survive on their own.
Whenever my son accomplishes something by himself, I feel so proud and happy. I love watching him master new skills and learn to do things for himself. I have to wonder, do the parents described in this article not feel this kind of pride in their children’s accomplishments? Because it sounds like they’re keeping them from having any.
You’re right Susanna, It’s “prevention” to the point of neurosis, the author said.
I read an article last month in O Magazine about how parents are actually calling their children’s potential employers and arranging their Christmas vacations and their benefits packages. Calling the dean about why they don’t have laundry services on campus in the dorms.
What I don’t understand is how they are getting away with it.
Karen, the author talks about how teachers are leaving the profession – not because they’ve given up on the kids, but because they can’t stand the hoverparents who want their kid to always win and never really learn!
Well, I sent you this article, so I obviously thought it was very interesting. I was particularly struck by what he said about stay-at-home moms of the day. Basically that although they didn’t work, they had their own lives and expected their children to have their own lives also. I sometimes think we are sold (and feel guilty for not living up to) an image about motherhood from that time that never even existed.
While I am glad some things have changed (he mentions parents didn’t feel the need to say ‘I love you’ much back then), I think we need to stop overpraising children and let them make choices. Yes, they will screw up sometimes, but that is how they learn.
Thank God my parents did that for me. Like the author, I chose my own classes in high school. I went where I wanted to after school without checking in. I was left in charge to babysit and make meals and many other things by the time I was twelve or so. My parents left us home alone (gasp) after school and sometimes when they went out of town.
I PITY children who grow up wanting for nothing, are never allowed to be alone or to make their own choices, and who think the world revolves around them. If only the parents realized what damage they are really doing.
Yes thanks for the link Violet.
I thought there were some good changes too. I love you. Exactly.
This is not the first place I’ve read that this mothering ideal is a total fiction. When I read books from past decades it’s obvious that mothers didn’t hang out playing barbie and trucks and doing crafts and doting on their children all day long.
In this one book I’m reading set in 1920 in NYC the mother leaves her children home alone all day long while she goes to work and they aren’t even Kindergarten age. She had too. This was common. They were sent to the store to buy dinner. Roamed the streets all the time.
I’m seeing mothers prevent kids from playing. on playgrounds, in yards, pools, etc. In case they get hurt. It’s insane and damaging to kids.
“I’m seeing mothers prevent kids from playing. on playgrounds, in yards, pools, etc. In case they get hurt. It’s insane and damaging to kids.”
Gotta find that balance between hellecoptor mom and CPS mom. It’s hard!
I think most of them are afraid – not of their kid getting hurt, but of being motherjudged for their kid getting hurt.