Kisses: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
June 10, 2009 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
I love kissing. Luckily, I have a good-kissing boyfriend.
The first time we kissed, he was just off the plane, and although it was nearing the tale-end of a long, stressful day, his breath was fresh and his kiss was sweet. He tasted like fruity gum. Oh my.
When we kiss, he takes these breaks where he stops and smiles at me, then kisses me some more. I cannot adequately tell you what that does to my heart, but I will try – it’s like warm, gooey, bursts of love-lava flowing from my heart to my limbs. Bliss. I love kissing that man.
All this kiss talk, it’s because I found this piece at Lemondrop about bad kisses. I appreciate the good kisses I get now, but I’ve kissed my share of bad kissers. A bad kiss can feel like an assault – an assault of bad breath and big, nasty, choking tongue. Ugh.
I think my worst kiss was with a guy who did no lip-kissing. Instead, he went straight for the interior of my mouth – all tongue. Once inside, he did this circular thing, over and over. His tongue was huge and I felt like I could not breath, because he smashed his face into mine. It was very unpleasant. I kept trying to lead by example, but he was not having any lip whatsoever.
I wonder if he mistook my gasping for breath as passion, instead of a near-death experience? Or maybe that guy thinks of me as that weird girl who kept trying to kiss his lips. Maybe I’m the bad kisser?
How about you – do you have any bad kissing stories to share? What do you think makes a good kiss, good?
Image credit: Michelle Smith
The worst kisser ever.. I married him and now swear to him I dont like kissing because ive developed a touch of claustrophobia. I don’t remember him being such a bad kisser when we dated but now… ughh.. He presses hismouth against mine and forces his tongue down my throat in a way i find intrusive. There is no lip kissing, but there is lip cutting. He presses his face against mine so hard while he is gagging me with his tongue down my throat that my teeth cut into the inside of my mouth. and these kisses are way too long. He says he is being passionate. I call it painful.
Oh, my goodness. That does sound unpleasant and I can totally understand the claustrophobia. Does he know that he is hurting you? If your lip is cut, he should know. Ouch. Can you talk to him about this? Maybe send him some anonymous tips?
I was married to a not-great kisser. He was good at everything else, but the kissing was sort of sloppy, scattered. We were only married for a few years though.
Next time, I’m marrying a good kisser.
oh the forced tongue invading your mouth kissing is the worst! i had one experience where the guy practically assaulted my mouth with his. my lips were literally swollen afterward. not good. thankfully, i married someone who can kiss and loves the lip kissing as much as i do.
Very glad you’ve got yourself a good kisser. :*)
There’s no science to a good kiss…but there are SO many ways to screw it up! In my opinion, the worst is that one where they probe your mouth with their tongue like they’re looking for something they lost. What are they looking for? Did they lose a contact lens in there?!
Andrea, it’s possible that those probers are just looking to steal your chewing gum. ;D
I really had to think long and hard about my worst kissing experience. I try to block that out of my mind. Well after some deep thinking…there was a guy I went out with 1 time–the kissed was a deal breaker. So sloppy and his tongue felt like it was having a seizure…He kind of reminded me of a big ole saint bernard. Poor guy…I wonder if he is still clueless? How about those lazy kisser that put no effort in it at all. I went out with a guy who was 52ish and you would think by that age he would know how to kiss. No, such luck. He was totally clueless and just wanted to stick his tongue down my throat. Wow, I actually remembered a few bad ones.
It sems to me that the tongue action can be problematic. No one likes that tongue down their throat. Yuck.
I really had to think long and hard about my worst kissing experience. I try to block that out of my mind. Well after some deep thinking…there was a guy I went out with 1 time–the kissed was a deal breaker. So sloppy and his tongue felt like it was having a seizure…He kind of reminded me of a big ole saint bernard. Poor guy…I wonder if he is still clueless? How about those lazy kisser that put no effort in it at all. I went out with a guy who was 52ish and you would think by that age he would know how to kiss. No, such luck. He was totally clueless and just wanted to stick his tongue down my throat. Wow, I actually remembered a few bad ones.
Worst Kiss? The guy that kept licking my face! What is that about. Full on, flat tongue licking my whole face. I backed up, said Yewww, no thank you and went in the house. He actually called for a 2nd date, again, No, Thank You!
Oh that sounds yucky. He must think it’s sexy.
Worse kiss ever was my very first kiss. I had never kissed before but when he choked me with his tongue I knew that wasn’t how kissing should go. It was terrible and I couldn’t get him off quick enough. Now I’m pleased to say that I am married to the best kisser. He knows just how to kiss me so that I melt every time. Delicious!