Lesson #1: Learn To Say “I Can’t Do It”
5 days before I rolled off from the project, I finally got a replacement resource. When my project manager was giving him tasks, he flat out told him, “I can’t do this. I need more resources to help me to accomplish all the tasks in such a short period of time.” When he was going through our project estimates, he also doubled all of the hours on the spreadsheet and demanded more time. Again, he said, “We can’t do this with the amount of hours estimated. We need more time or more people.” Good for him! I know he is smart enough not to get slaved like the way I was.
Ok, I know this “I can’t do it” phrase is not something we are normally taught to say. Whenever we hear a motivation speech, the speaker always wants us to repeat “YES, I CAN DO IT!” until it sinks in. It’s definitely a good practice and I’m personally benefited from being a determined girl. However, I also learned from my past experiences that sometimes, being able to say “I Can’t Do This” is an essential self-protection method to set up boundaries and limits to push back those unrealistic expectations.
My Dad is a business owner. He has always been telling me that as a boss, he will push and squeeze his best resources to the limit. But it is also important for him to know what his resources’ limits are. Therefore, he will give his capable resources more work to do every time until he either gets a push back or seeing a setback from their performances if the resources are not communicating about their limits. The point is that as a worker, it is important to let the boss know, “Hey! This is too much for me. Give me more time or more helpers!” I made a mistake for not communicating this problem clearly and loudly in the early stage on my last project, therefore, driving myself nuts by putting in a lot of overtime .
The next time, I will know better that it is OK to admit, “Hey, I can’t do it all by myself! Give me some more time or more helpers!”
Bottom line, it’s not fun to be a super hero on the job!
Pushing people so much would not benefit your company on a long-term basis. “Dimishing Returns” is bound to happen. Learning to say no is necessary if you want to have peak productivity results most of the time and is a sign of a well planned project. If something goes wrong which is most likely to happen you would want to have enough energy left for a finish line attack without any diminishing return towards the end.
I think that women have a much more difficult time with recognizing when to say No, because of our innate characteristics to please.
I think you touched on that aspect once before…we as women must learn that it is ok not to be able to please everyone.
I too have people who work for me…and they are women…they often have a hard time telling me their being pushed too hard…and you know what…when that happens, and it isn’t often on my part, the work suffers.
That is such a tough one. We are all so wrapped up in what we do that it’s almost impossible to say “I can’t do that”. When you meet people for the first time, they ask “so, what do you do?” Not what are your dreams? What makes you tick?
I should have done a “can’t do that” myself today when someone asking about getting a logo designed for his company. While I offered suggetions of where to go for info, I also offered my services.
My internal alarms were rining and blaring and honking “You don’t have time! You haven’t designed anything in months! Abort. ABORT.”
I agree with Kim. We as women give so much that we don’t give much attention to ourselves. Then when work suffers, we feel bad about it.
It’s no wonder our identities are wrapped up in our jobs. When anyone works as much as you do, Christine, what time is left for anything else?
It takes a looooong time, a broken marriage and a illed body for me to realize that life is more than just work and what I do doesn’t define who I am. Yes, I still bust my ass trying to please others… It’s tough. We all know the thoeries but it is hard to apply what we know when the real situation arises. I agree with Kim and Kayll that we really don’t pay too much attention to ourselves cuz we feel guilty for being a “selfish self-centered bitch” if we put ourselves first…
Someone once told me that if I am not happy and healthy, I can’t care for the others. “Take care of yourself first, then you can take care of others.” He said…
I guess I will just have to read my own posts and your comments over and over again until the words sink in..:-D
I don’t think we’d ever treat a guest in our home the way we sometimes treat ourselves…THAT is something to reflect upon.
Treat yourself as if you were a guest in your own life!
It has taken me many, MANY years to understand the phrase “you must love yourself”…I’m still not good at it…I can barely take a compliment…but I’m trying…