Let’s Sort Through Some Mental Trash

Good Monday morning, MHN readers!

Yesterday I promised to offer examples of how to handle the messes you cleaned up during your Mental Housecleaning. I’m going to base the examples off the same four examples I’ve already given:

1. You’re fed up with your daughter’s disrespect.
2. You’re afraid you won’t get your rent paid on time.
3. You still can’t let go of that awful thing you did/said to your best friend so many years ago.
4. You finally landed your dream job.

Note that each of these mental situations is located in a “different area” of your “mental home,” as I mentioned yesterday.

Think of it like this: You’re doing your mental housecleaning and you find each of these situations in, say, a different “room.”

Now, how do you handle them before tossing them in the trash?

As I said yesterday, while I do feel that it’s great to toss your lists in the trash, I don’t think it’s as beneficial to toss them in the trash immediately – we should handle these mental messes, first.

1. You’re fed up with your daughter’s disrespect. This mental trash is found in the corner of your brain harboring all the worries. It could be you’re wound tight due to the way your boss talks to you. Maybe you’re constantly on edge because of all the nagging your well-meaning mother-in-law calls daily to do. Whatever it is, it has you stressed. You’ve swept it out of the corner, put it on paper, and now you must deal with it.
   
   
   The best piece of advice anyone can give you about cleaning up this kind mental junk can be summed up into one word: confrontation. You need to confront the person who is treating you in a way you don’t like. With your daughter, you can talk to her about proper and improper ways to talk to people – parents especially – and take further parental action based on whether or not she shapes up. If it’s your boss, you can confront him/her, ask for change, talk to HR, maybe even look for a new job. And your mother-in-law? As scary as it may be, you might tell her that while you appreciate her advice, you’d rather run your household on your own. Then consider caller id and not answering her 29 phone calls in the middle of the day!




2. You’re afraid you won’t get your rent paid on time. Ah, now we arrive at the open drawer with worries spilling out. Money is such a source of worry for most people. If it’s not your rent or mortgage, it’s your electric bill, car insurance, or college tuition.
   
   
   The best way to handle money worries is to get a plan. You’re probably thinking, Um, yeah, that’s kind of obvious, but it’s really not that obvious. Many people keep pushing money worries deeper and deeper into that drawer until there’s just no more room, they’re spilling out, and donating plasma is right around the bend. If it looks like you’re going to be late on any of your bills, call your landlord, bank, electric company, etc. and work out a payment plan. Most people will work with you (trust me, I know from experience). Then, take a serious look at your budget and spending habits. You have a bigger mess to clean up than just a late cable bill.




3. You still can’t let go of that awful thing you did/said to your best friend so many years ago. Guilt can feel like the worst thing possible to harbor stuffed away in the suitcases of your mind. Whether you screamed at your co-worker for spilling coffee on an important document, or committed infidelity in your marriage, the guilt will eat away at your until you feel like nothing is left.
   
   
   Apologize. You may have apologized a million times, but if you haven’t sat down face-to-face with the person and explained to them why you acted the way you did and that you are truly sorry for causing them hurt, you haven’t apologized once. You have to look at your mistake, take ownership of it, acknowledge it to the person you hurt, and move on. And move on with the knowledge that however big the mistake was, it was a life experience that has taught you never to act that way again.
   
   
   One afternoon after my ex-husband and I filed for divorce, he called me out of the blue and began apologizing for things he had said and done during our marriage. Some were random acts, others were more serious. I was shocked, but it felt good. So, I started apologizing to him. Several years later, I still sometimes look back and regret the things we both did, but we owned up to them, and we’ve both moved on.




4. You finally landed your dream job. Finally, we get to something that doesn’t need dealt with and then thrown away! All the happiness you have crammed into that chest in the middle of your mind! You landed your dream job. Your child’s report cards are improving. Your mother beat cancer. Your dog doesn’t care if your feet stink. You just realized your husband really is your best friend.
   
   
   Who would want to throw these things out?! Keep them in your mind, and think of them often – especially when everything else feels like it’s getting to be too much.

Once you’ve swept up all the mental trash and dealt with it accordingly, you can throw your lists away. Your mind has truly been “cleaned.”

Of course, as rooms and cars and refrigerators and minds tend to do, it will get messy again. But this time, you’ll know how to pick up after yourself along the way.