Listening to Cassandra
March 21, 2006 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Cassandra Affective Disorder or CAD is a disorder in which family members with a relative with Asperger’s Syndrome (especially if it is undiagnosed) are not only “affected by AS behaviors” but even “begin to reflect AS behaviors.” Families of Adults Afflicted with Asperger’s Syndrome (FAAS) coined the term “Mirror Syndrome” in 1997 for this disorder. In response to overuse of the word “disorder,” the term “Cassandra Phenomenon” was coined “for the ‘traumatic stress disorder’ which affects NT spouses and NT family members.” Maxine Aston specilizes in counseling families affected by CAD.
Cassandra was a Trojan princess. The god Apollo was infatuated with her and granted her wish, which was the gift of prophecy—but Cassandra refused him and Apollo, unable to take back the great gift he had bestowed, made it so that no one believed Cassandra’s prophecies, including the fall of Troy. Cassandra was brought back to Mycenae as the slave of the Greek commander Agamemnon. He, and she, were murderd by Agamemnon’s wife, Klytemnestra and her lover, Aigisthos.
Raising a child with autism is no easy journey and ours has been full of darkness and much, much light.
I don’t have CAD.
And Cassandra is the wrong mythological personnage to name CAD after. There’s a lot more to her (go read Aeschylus’ bone-wrenching rendition of her in full priestess mode in his tragedy Agamemnon) than saying she’s “a mythological character who was given the gift of prophecy, but the curse of having no one believe her even though she was right!” Cassandra is the namesake for any watchdog who calls out the truth against all the naysayers, against all odds. And knows she’ll suffer for it.
I’m taking Cassandra as the muse of AutismVox.
God bless and keep all of you parents of kids on the autism spectrum. A lot of people are trying to hijack the sympathy that is due to you, and unfortunately the author of CAD as well as the organization FAAAS are such people.
CAD was plagiarized from Seasonal Affective Disorder caused by lack of sunlight during winter. They literally cut-and-pasted the symptoms. CAD does not exist. The author has no credentials. Neither does FAAAS. Not a doctor anywhere near the place. These are mostly jilted ex-wives/lovers of men whom they are guessing have Asperger’s.
They have no idea what it is like to make the real sacrifices you have.
Thank you for your words of support!
Two continuing education seminars will be given on “Cassandra Affective Disorder” at Smith College School for Social Work (June 21 2008) and at the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology (May 3 2008).
I think the nonexistent “CAD” can work both ways. Imagine someone with AS being believed by any social worker, psychiatrist, or judge who has attended one of these seminars.
http://www.smith.edu/ssw/geaa/academics_ceweekendb.php#Saturday
http://www.mspp.edu/academics/continuing-education/programs/h396.asp
With reference to an earlier comment, I don’t know that anyone is trying to’hijack the sympathy’ deserved by parents of kids on the autistic spectrum. There are many sides to every situation. Undoubtedly kids on the autistic spectrum will go on to be wonderful partners, spouses and parents. But many people with autism went undiagnosed and unsupported and misunderstood in the past. Some of those went on to marry and have children with no support ever given to them. Whilst they also undoubtedly deserve respect and sympathy, many of their children will have struggled enormously. NT parents work hard to understand their AS child and to help them interact effectively in what is often an alien world. The NT child with an AS parent or parents also grows in a bewildering world with rules and behaviour and responses that do not make sense to them. Unless they and their parents are lucky enough to have considerable external support and recognition from other NT adults ….who knows…? I think that FAAAS are simply trying to provide some recognition and support for those left confused and bewildered as adults by the behaviour and responses of their parents. It is a difficult subject to discuss and not one that many would understandably wish to address. But to some people it will provide hope and much sought after answers. I applaud them.
I think comment about jilted women not knowing how to take care of our husbands that think they have AS is so far off the mark. There is no experience comeing from this person. I am at the end of an 18 year marriage with 5 kids 2 that are on the spectrum. When they were diagnoised I didsocvered that my husband as well had AS. It was an awful day and it was the day my hope died. So do not sit there in judgement of something that you know nothing about. The end of my marriage is my choice not his. Most if not all of the marriages that I have heard about ,NT and AS, the NT partner ended the marriage.
@Jody, have heard of more than a few families in which a parent, often the father but sometimes the mother, realizes that he/she has AS. But hope things are all right for your family and yourself—a lot to deal with—- my own husband has ADHD pretty severely and it makes things interesting.
Relationships do not occur in a vacuum and loneliness is loneliness. Co-dependency is pretty well-documented phenomenon. Whether the symptoms were hijacked or no, the collection indicated to me someone who was pretty depressed and need of a change of some sort. If help in available for those who need it to find more understanding or peace of mind to individuals, and harmony and better functioning to the family unit, to me that seems positive.
(I kind of had a boggle on the title because my husband’s nickname for me is Cassandra.)
FAAAS – For a group that claims support, they spend too much time pointing fingers. Many contribute without really understanding the make up of FAAAS.
Well Suzanne,
That’s good to know. Help us to understand what really happens.
I can agree that simply stirring up or practicing bitterness instead of understanding or facilitating improved relationships probably isn’t helpful to anyone.
@Regan, your husband’s nickname for you is Cassandra—–interesting………..
@Suzanne, it seems the case that pointing fingers never goes too far, at least in regards to autism.
I wonder if your objection to CADD has to do with your being affected by the autism of your child, versus your parent or spouse. Maybe we’re talking about apples and oranges here, anyway? Being an adult dealing with an impacted child (who is not expected to be a fully capable partner or guide in your life, and whom you don’t depend on for emotional support and reciprocity) is a very different thing from having a father or mother or spouse or partner or sibling who is on the spectrum. I think we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Given that autism is a condition that has a full spectrum of symptoms and aspects and expressions, I think it’s safe to say that folks who are affected by the autism/AS of others have a wide spectrum of experiences, as well. I grew up in an AS-affected household, and while I don’t like to dwell on the emotional discomfort that went along with not having a clue what my father was thinking and never being able to tell what my mother would say/do next, did have an impact on me that it’s taken me years to uncover and understand. It certainly didn’t make figuring out my own place on the spectrum any easier.
I think that “mirror syndromes” need to be recognized, if/when they occur. There are people who have been impacted this way, and just because one person isn’t troubled by a constellation of issues, doesn’t mean someone else isn’t in dire need of help dealing with those exact issues. And the people who don’t have those issues should not denigrate their problems and make light of them and dismiss them.
One of the problems of being on the autistic spectrum is that this kind of “I don’t see it so it must not be a problem!” attitude happens all the time, and it’s a constant struggle to have to get by in a world that either cannot or will not acknowledge your limitations. I also must admit I’m pretty disappointed that the parent of an autistic child would be insensitive to that. It doesn’t feel good.
Personally, I fully respect people who are trailblazing in the psychological/emotional assistance fields. Nobody’s perfect. But their efforts do count for something, and they are needed. Even if they’re not always spot-on… even if they are at times fuzzy and imperfect… even if the “experts” are not as heavily credentialed as others — tho’ I’m not sure how an expert in an emerging field is going to get credentials in something they have uncovered… Dismissing them because of their lack of credentials is kind of like saying Magellan didn’t make a contribution to our understanding of the world because he didn’t know exactly where he was going and there were no credible maps to prove he was on the right track, and anyway, he never completed his trip.
Somebody has to get in the proverbial boat and be willing to sail into uncharted waters.
I have a father with AS and a mother who put up with this until she died with cancer all the time our family did not know about my father’s diagnosis until i started seeing a psychologist and told her of family issues that i have kept with me through childhood. I always thought that my family was normal, though have learnt that it was not. There are good things about my family, though my mother’s self esteem, my father’s control of money and the lack of emotional support that i grew up with was not normal and still affects my relationships with others today. Cassandra Affective Disorder does exist, though not everyone that has an AS parent or partner will have the disorder.
Certainly relatives would be affected by a family member, especially if that family member had an undiagnosed condition—-does your father consider himself AS?
I was sorry to see Jody’s situation. I am curious, how do they handle the feelings (mine – guilt) associated with being the one to leave. I have been living by myself for a year and we have been doing counseling so I am curious. I have horrible feelings of guilt and shame. Like my character is bad because … for better or for worse… and all of that.
As an NT child of an AS mother and brother of an AS sister, I am offended by those who would suggest that discussing my difficulties in is in some way detracts from the struggles of children with AS. I wouldn’t want to do that, but the same differences that make childhood such a struggle for AS individuals, make parenting a struggle too. Unfortunately, when a parent struggles, their child or children suffer as a result. I would be a whole lot less worried about aspies becoming parents and spouses if they didn’t react so badly to the idea that their spouses and children might want a community in which to share their experiences and develop coping strategies… but I am not surprised by that reaction either after growing up with my mom and sister. Personally, I would discourage my sister from having children if she were considering it.