Comments on: Listening to Cassandra

By: john roe

john roe — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 11:12:09 +0000

As an NT child of an AS mother and brother of an AS sister, I am offended by those who would suggest that discussing my difficulties in is in some way detracts from the struggles of children with AS. I wouldn’t want to do that, but the same differences that make childhood such a struggle for AS individuals, make parenting a struggle too. Unfortunately, when a parent struggles, their child or children suffer as a result. I would be a whole lot less worried about aspies becoming parents and spouses if they didn’t react so badly to the idea that their spouses and children might want a community in which to share their experiences and develop coping strategies… but I am not surprised by that reaction either after growing up with my mom and sister. Personally, I would discourage my sister from having children if she were considering it.

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:29:07 +0000

I was sorry to see Jody’s situation. I am curious, how do they handle the feelings (mine – guilt) associated with being the one to leave. I have been living by myself for a year and we have been doing counseling so I am curious. I have horrible feelings of guilt and shame. Like my character is bad because … for better or for worse… and all of that.

By: Kristina Chew, PhD

Kristina Chew, PhD — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 13:26:12 +0000

Certainly relatives would be affected by a family member, especially if that family member had an undiagnosed condition—-does your father consider himself AS?

By: Tan

Tan — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 07:39:19 +0000

I have a father with AS and a mother who put up with this until she died with cancer all the time our family did not know about my father’s diagnosis until i started seeing a psychologist and told her of family issues that i have kept with me through childhood. I always thought that my family was normal, though have learnt that it was not. There are good things about my family, though my mother’s self esteem, my father’s control of money and the lack of emotional support that i grew up with was not normal and still affects my relationships with others today. Cassandra Affective Disorder does exist, though not everyone that has an AS parent or partner will have the disorder.

By: VisualVox

VisualVox — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:37:54 +0000

I wonder if your objection to CADD has to do with your being affected by the autism of your child, versus your parent or spouse. Maybe we’re talking about apples and oranges here, anyway? Being an adult dealing with an impacted child (who is not expected to be a fully capable partner or guide in your life, and whom you don’t depend on for emotional support and reciprocity) is a very different thing from having a father or mother or spouse or partner or sibling who is on the spectrum. I think we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Given that autism is a condition that has a full spectrum of symptoms and aspects and expressions, I think it’s safe to say that folks who are affected by the autism/AS of others have a wide spectrum of experiences, as well. I grew up in an AS-affected household, and while I don’t like to dwell on the emotional discomfort that went along with not having a clue what my father was thinking and never being able to tell what my mother would say/do next, did have an impact on me that it’s taken me years to uncover and understand. It certainly didn’t make figuring out my own place on the spectrum any easier.

I think that “mirror syndromes” need to be recognized, if/when they occur. There are people who have been impacted this way, and just because one person isn’t troubled by a constellation of issues, doesn’t mean someone else isn’t in dire need of help dealing with those exact issues. And the people who don’t have those issues should not denigrate their problems and make light of them and dismiss them.

One of the problems of being on the autistic spectrum is that this kind of “I don’t see it so it must not be a problem!” attitude happens all the time, and it’s a constant struggle to have to get by in a world that either cannot or will not acknowledge your limitations. I also must admit I’m pretty disappointed that the parent of an autistic child would be insensitive to that. It doesn’t feel good.

Personally, I fully respect people who are trailblazing in the psychological/emotional assistance fields. Nobody’s perfect. But their efforts do count for something, and they are needed. Even if they’re not always spot-on… even if they are at times fuzzy and imperfect… even if the “experts” are not as heavily credentialed as others — tho’ I’m not sure how an expert in an emerging field is going to get credentials in something they have uncovered… Dismissing them because of their lack of credentials is kind of like saying Magellan didn’t make a contribution to our understanding of the world because he didn’t know exactly where he was going and there were no credible maps to prove he was on the right track, and anyway, he never completed his trip.

Somebody has to get in the proverbial boat and be willing to sail into uncharted waters.

By: Kristina Chew, PhD

Kristina Chew, PhD — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:41:09 +0000

@Regan, your husband’s nickname for you is Cassandra—–interesting………..

@Suzanne, it seems the case that pointing fingers never goes too far, at least in regards to autism.

By: Regan

Regan — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 01:46:31 +0000

Well Suzanne,
That’s good to know. Help us to understand what really happens.
I can agree that simply stirring up or practicing bitterness instead of understanding or facilitating improved relationships probably isn’t helpful to anyone.

By: Suzanne Miller

Suzanne Miller — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 23:19:54 +0000

FAAAS – For a group that claims support, they spend too much time pointing fingers. Many contribute without really understanding the make up of FAAAS.

By: Regan

Regan — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:47:09 +0000

Relationships do not occur in a vacuum and loneliness is loneliness. Co-dependency is pretty well-documented phenomenon. Whether the symptoms were hijacked or no, the collection indicated to me someone who was pretty depressed and need of a change of some sort. If help in available for those who need it to find more understanding or peace of mind to individuals, and harmony and better functioning to the family unit, to me that seems positive.

(I kind of had a boggle on the title because my husband’s nickname for me is Cassandra.)

By: Kristina Chew, PhD

Kristina Chew, PhD — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:06:17 +0000

@Jody, have heard of more than a few families in which a parent, often the father but sometimes the mother, realizes that he/she has AS. But hope things are all right for your family and yourself—a lot to deal with—- my own husband has ADHD pretty severely and it makes things interesting.