Live And Let Live – Please…

From page 53 in the 12 and 12;

“When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.”

I often still, make efforts to control others. It is in my nature. I have made enormous progress with it through the years and have even asked God to remove it. It still is…

This specific passage is of very large importance – for me. It distinctly rings out when it says “our suffering becomes acute and constant.” One of the definitions of acute is: intense. Intense suffering? Yep!

There are a lot of “things” about AA that I would love to “fix” or change. That is also in my nature. Why would I want to “fix” or change anything? Fear. It is very simple. Fear. Firstly, I don’t want to lose what I have (self-centered) and I don’t want others to die. Both thoughts scare me. And – thankfully, they scare me. When I was drinking, I cared very little about life – yours or mine. Today, that is no longer true.

I don’t want to go any further before I tell you why I’m writing about this today. I spend time visiting and reading through many other recovery related Blogs and web sites. It is also in my nature to seek knowledge and to play detective to discover wrongs. Another shortcoming…

I see the “debate” over whether or not I am, you are, they are, we are, recovered or in recovery. Of course I’d love to express my very passionate feelings about the topic for me!!! My personal feelings and beliefs cause me to say I’m in recovery and I’d rather not come to a state of mind where I believe I’m recovered. That feeling and belief is not shared by all. Others feel and believe that they are recovered.

The question then becomes – which is right? Nope! Wrong! The question ought to be, can I live and let live? Can I accept that if you believe you’re in recovery and you’re not drinking and haven’t had a drink for a long time (relative term) that is okay? Can I accept that if you believe you’re recovered and you’re not drinking and haven’t had a drink for a long time (relative term) that is okay?

I have no need to belittle or demean your sobriety by calling you names or telling you you’re not what you believe you are because you don’t believe the same way I do. To act that way is old, drinking behavior i.e. – once again, I’m imposing my will on you, I am saying I know better than God. And there’s a place in the Big Book that explains that too.

I’ll continue to subscribe to my sponsors’ principle – that each day any one of us who admits to the disease of alcoholism – doesn’t take a drink, it is a victory over death! I’d really, really rather look at it in that light than find myself suffering acutely because I have some perverse need to impose my will on you and demand that you see it my way and believe you’re “in recovery” and not recovered – or vice versa.