Long Distance: Transitions Are Difficult

In a long distance relationship there are two separate relationships:  the one when you are apart and the one when you are together.  The interactions between you and your long distance partner are entirely different from when you are communicating by phone to when you are communicating face to face.

I want to address the issue of the transition between being apart and being together.  When you are in a long distance relationship you look oh-so-forward to those wonderful weekends that you get to spend in the same place.  For one weekend you think that you will be like normal couples and get to do everything together.  Sometimes you plan trips across many miles just to see each other for a few precious moments.

If you haven’t seen your significant other in awhile and have been operating in a long distance relationship, there is definitely an element of awkwardness that will be introduced during the transition period.  As soon as you arrive at the airport you will imagine that you will become a completely “normal” couple, but there is always a period of time where you need to adjust.  You can’t just transition from being a voice on the phone to being a real live human body without some sort of tension.

I want to bring up this issue because I think that it is an important element in long distance relationships that needs to be accepted.  A lot of times visits are extremely short and it’s possible that you might not ever make it through the transition phase.  You might feel just a little bit “off” and blame the feeling on problems in your relationship.  The truth is that this is completely normal!

You have a long distance relationship and a “physically together” relationship and it takes a good amount of adjusting to get from one to the other.  Imagine how different your life is when your partner is in town and when they aren’t:  you spend zero time together and then you spend all of your time together; you spend all of your time talking and then you don’t need to spend any time talking!

If you find that sometimes you get in arguments or don’t gel as well you usually do on short visits, think about the idea of the transition period between arrival and being fully comfortable.  It’s entirely possible that you are a compatible couple, but you just have difficulties adjusting to being in the same place when you usually aren’t.  Figure out if this is a factor in your long distance relationship and maybe it will answer some of the questions that you have about planning trips to see each other and managing your time spent together.

Image: Flickr ] Jonathan [