Looking for the Lesser of Two (School) Evils
August 24, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Now another countdown begins: Two more weeks before Charlie starts school. He knows exactly where he’s going and who the teacher is and has a tag on his backpack with his bus number and locker number on it, and the postcard from the Board of Ed announcing when the bus is coming is prominently displayed on our refrigerator.
Charlie’s been at several schools and classrooms over the years and one reason he’s looking forward to September 8th so much is because he knows what to expect and where he’s going—-not so for 9-year-old Tyler Baker, who was assigned to attend Reagan Elementary School, his fifth school since 2004. Tyler has Asperger’s Syndrome and his mother Stephanie Baker has filed a complaint with the Office for Civil Rights on the grounds of discrimination, considered moving to another district, met with school officials for a last-minute IEP, and finally decided to homeschool. Today’s Benton County Daily Record (Arkansas) describes the back and forth between family and school district and the numerous school placements that Tyler has been through; his mother estimates that each change of school has set him back about three months. She’s been particularly concerned about Tyler’s having enough social interaction; as she says: “‘Homeschooling him may not be the best idea…..but I feel like it’s the lesser of two evils.’”
It’s funny that you made this post today; the London Times weblog has an article on how to prepare Asperger children for school, and how to prepare schools for Asperger children.
The trouble with that post is, it begs the question of complicity. The schools are just as likely to not change anything, or put forth a halfhearted effort at best, or just Not Get It. (In eighth grade, I had a teacher who picked me up and plopped me down in the middle of the group that bullied me worst because she was “sad” to see me eating alone. Never mind what I actually wanted or needed.) And any efforts the school and parents make can be hampered or even cancelled out by the other children.
That last part is a dilemma in the truest sense. No matter which horn you pick, there’s an angry bull at the other end. Do you not tell the other kids anything and let them think of their own reasons that your son or daughter is “weird,” or do you tell them and give them specific ammunition to use against your child? Grown-ups often forget exactly how cruel children can be to people who are different. (”Oh, look. Children playing ‘war.’ And they’re ganging up on that one boy. How cute!”)
And at what point does your pushing the school system become more harmful than helpful? It’s like in Tyler Baker’s case: is it worth it to keep changing schools until they find one that works if Tyler keeps losing ground in the process? At what point will they run out of schools, or energy, or money?
I’m not even a parent, and I still think about things like these. And the more I think about them, the less angry I am at my mother for not pulling me out of middle school. (I’m not saying middle school wasn’t that bad; I’m just saying that I understand her reasoning better now.)
I think homeschooling is great if someone chooses it.
I think it’s rotten when the schools force this “choice” on you.
Joe
Boo and Bratty are back tomorrow (ABA schools go back 25th August…*sound of hammie doing cartwheels*
And for the first time both are looking forward to it. Bratty used our iphone to request school, 1 week into the holidays. And Boo has verbally requested it several times. When asked where he was going Monday 25th, he tells us the name of the school and his new tutor for the rotation (changes every 6 weeks). He is delighted to be going back.
This holiday has been the hardest I think for that reason. In their previous setting (6:1 with mainstream trained teachers and assistants with only a high school certificate, if that) the chaos of the setting was so stressful for them that is was a relief to take holidays. And in that setting I self-funded home based ABA tutors, on top of the school day; but they still preferred to be at home.
My kids love to work hard, in a structured, clearly goal oriented and individually tailored setting. They don”t want to bludge and be treated as fools. So they love their new school.
And Boy, so do I. Roll on Monday!
xx
(bludge means to skive off, I can’t think of an american translation; be deliberately lazy??)
Switching to homeschooling was probably the best thing that ever happened to me other than meeting my wife. We didn’t homeschool because I had Asperger’s syndrome, my family didn’t even know what the word was at the time, nor because of the social problems I was having. My parents didn’t even know I was having them. We did it because the school was having problems with bad academics and the teachers religious attitudes were being preached at us through official school materials. But the social atmosphere had just gotten to the point where it was basically toxic for me to continue being there and I probably have never felt so much release from anger and stress and vindictiveness than when I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.
That being said, homeschoolings academic usefulness can be limited when its being done to rescue children. My parents were prepared to give a better academic experience than the schools were, but a lot of the homeschooled ‘friends’ my parents tried to set me up with to provide me a social life were not necessarily getting as much out of it as I was. As far as socializing goes, best I can say is don’t try to shove friendships down your kids throat. Just because other kids are homeschooled doesn’t mean its a friendship match made in heaven, and if you try to force those social interactions with other homeschoolers you’ll find a lot of parents homeschool their kids because the kids are misbehaving so much at school they think its the only way to rescue them. I can remember my mom warning me a ‘friend’ she was trying to set me up with because he had a criminal record and might get some interesting ideas of how to have a fun time that I shouldn’t go along with. There’s a palpable difference between kids being rescued from themselves and kids being rescued from a bad school system. Unless homeschooling is a big academic movement in your area using venues such as church or clubs are probably better venues for socializing than trying to organize your own homeschooling association, whatever that’s merits may be.
That all being said effective socialization is really quite possible in homeschooling.
Kristina,
I have created a reading program – eReadingPro, targeted towards helping children with Autism, Down syndrome and other learning challenges.
You may want to check out a reading workshop that I am presenting in on Saturday, September 13th, hosted by: Conway Civitan Club
at the Brewer-Hegeman Conference Center, Conway, Akansas. You will learn why your child may be struggling with reading, how to identify your child’s learning style, learning strategies that may help, and how to teach your child to read in less than 10 minutes a day. To learn more, visit our website at: http://www.ereadingpro.com.
We homeschool now, and it was the best forced-into decision we ever made. It can be tough sometimes. We got to the point where we realized that even if we made a buncha mistakes, it had to be better than seeing the kid locked in the closet constantly, you know?
I think all things considered that we’re doing fine, but my experience has really turned me AGAINST public education as a whole. Why should my tax money go for that??
@Denise, thanks for the link and will look into your program—
@Hammie, some bludging around the house today as we got used to being back home! Yes, vacations used to mean a lot more when school was not as good—-a relief not to have to worry about the nurse calling with less than great news!
I don’t blame her for thinking of homeschooling. Ya know the child is regressing a little with every change
My son was shuffled to three different schools in first grade alone, none of which (a) wanted him, or (b) had appropriate services for him. The BS didn’t stop until we filed a due process complaint with the district. Wen ended up homeschooling for part of the year (with a tutor supplied by the district as well), and had a long and frustrating fight before we got my son into anything that even began to resemble a good program for him. Unfortunately, the program that “fit” was for 3rd through 5th graders, so even then, it wasn’t that good a fit. As the only second grader, it was a challenge for him. This year, though, as a third grader, he will be in the same program, and it has good staff, so I’m hoping that the worst of his grade-school experiences are behind him. Keeping my fingers crossed!