Losing Faith

For today – I don’t want to forget that one day at a time anything and everything can and will happen and it is not required that I develop some lame excuse to give myself permission to pick up a drink…

Therefore, for today, I am feeling not very faithful. It doesn’t help that as I write posts like this, I try to save it as I write and either my computer or the server acts as if it has a resentment towards me

Reality – I’ve been trying to get something important to me and, in turn, to my responsibilities towards my family, solved for a year. To do this I have to contact a state agency. Background – I wasn’t able to fulfill this responsibility for quite some time and ultimately paid a legal price. God has helped me fix this in the past year and a half and it is no longer a problem but could become one again.

I’ve been taught this is a “do what you don’t want to do program.” I have also learned to give me, all of me, to the God I understand today, asking Him to “take away my difficulties so that victory over them might bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.”

Yeah – and – S.O.B.E.R. means Son Of a Bit**, Everything’s Real!

So, because this could affect my ex. and our children and because an oldtimer suggested it and it made sense with the help of HP, I did what I could do through my son to contact my ex. Knowing I’m not alone, I’m certain there are those who can understand how painful this process is for me. It is also simply morally right to fulfill the responsibility.

She called this morning. Almost nine years have passed since the last time we spoke. She had put forth an effort prior to calling to have some resources for me. I was thankful. I’ll leave it up to your imagination where my emotions went during this call. Don’t forget, I’m a real alcoholic…

I followed up. Made the phone call. Nothing. Same results as before. Nothing. Ought I mention that I said a few prayers during this? I’m not happy with God – right now. I’ll get over it and will move on. My faith however, has been deeply bruised.