Love and Friendship

I read something today at cnn.com about the “Real Meaning of Love Sayings.” 

One “love saying” questioned whether or not your spouse should be your best friend. It got me thinking about my past marriage and relationships. I think I’d like to be married again someday – I know I’d like to be in a committed relationship again some day. Would I need that person to be my best friend? 

Here’s what the relationship experts had to say:

Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you’re asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles.

Barbara De Angelis: I disagree. If your spouse isn’t your best friend, then what is he? I think it’s important that you not only love him but like him a lot, too.

John Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”: I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well – especially when you are having relationship difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

I remember making my marriage the center of my world. My husband had a way of keeping me off-balance and under his thumb without ever saying, “Love only me.” I now feel that was a big mistake. I should have made my world larger, let more people in. I was very young then – you live and you learn.

My last love was my best friend until I realized that he really was not a good friend at all. I think that I’m still learning. Your partner should be your closest friend, but they should not be your only friend.

I have a female friend that I can talk to about anything and that includes things I would not talk to my partner about. The days of full disclosure with a romantic partner are over for me. I think a balance is important. Total dependence, that includes friendship, is not healthy for a relationship. You’ve got to be complete on your own, to be a good partner.
 
What do you think?  Best friend? Not best friend?

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