Love Gone Lame
May 12, 2009 by Aly Walansky
Filed under Relationships
Had drinks with a friend tonight. She’s been dating a guy who she met on Match around New Years, and for the most part, things have been going pretty well.
Except…
“Well, he’s really sweet, and generous, but kind of…boring.”
Apparently, my friend and this guy fell into a relationship about a week into dating. They never had the casual dating phase, but, rather, went from first date to sleepovers and having toothbrushes in each other’s apartments.
Hot?
Not.
“Most nights, we just sit on the couch side by side on our laptops and don’t even talk.”
My friend is rethinking the entire relationship, wondering if the price of achieving the comfort level has meant the honeymoon has ended before it ever even started – and while she wants to recapture the passion, she can’t actually remember it ever being there in the first place.
We know many marriages eventually become friendships. But can a relationship last if that’s all it really is to start out with?
Image: Sxc.hu
If it is this way now, I say run as fast as you can.
I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 20 years and we have 3 beautiful children. But I married because I was comfortable with him, secure with him. He was my best friend. What I didn’t realize was that there is a huge difference from loving and being in love. I thought it was fairy tale stuff, and was told that by friends. We dated for many years before marrying. However, the huge differences in our emotional needs/physical needs didn’t get prounounced until about ten years ago. Up until that time children filled the void and used my engery. I probably could’ve gone the rest of my life without knowing. I wasn’t looking. I was happy. But someone slipped under the radar and I fell head over heels in love. Unfortunately for several reasons, this relationship cannot happen. However, my husband did find out about it, even though it’s platonic, it’s an affair of the heart. The other party is just as much in love with me. My husband and I are still together. Mainly for the kids. Mainly because we don’t know what to do. I know that it will end even if my heart is breaking at the suggestion. What is really depressing is I know that I could never love my husband that way. It’s unfair to him as well. But neither of us can bear breaking up our home. Stuck is the word that plays over and over in my mind at least until they are all in college or something which is a long way off. Now this is a sorry state of affairs…mainly because its more than just us. It involves three children who don’t deserve to have their world ripped apart. Many marriages including mine are friendship based. If it was just us, we could start over…..so while it is just you guys and you are not connecting…………run as fast as you can. Because there is someone out there you can’t live without, that can’t wait to be with you, that shares your passion about the same things, who will love you completely…..don’t settle.