Love Others As Yourself
December 8, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
Remember the old adage:
Treat people how you want to be treated.
There is enough evidence to suggest that this may not really be effective. Certainly, I’ve found it lacking when attempting to change another person’s behavior toward me or expecting like-behavior.
But, I have noticed this lately:
People treat others in the same way they treat themselves.
If you see someone harshly judging others, screaming at them, emotionally browbeating them, withholding support, bad-mouthing them, invalidating them.
Its safe to assume they are doing far worse to themselves.
Could this be why the Bible tells us to “Love others – as we love ourselves?” It then follows that if there is no self-respect or self-love it can not flow toward others.
We must love ourselves first.
Otherwise, self-deprecation and self-loathing and whatever other internal tortures we put ourselves through will spill out of us into the world.
Good point!
I heard an interesting one the other day regarding men.
If you want a man to love you, treat him the way his mother did.
Now that is all good and well but I’ve dating this guy for months. I don’t want him anymore and frankly, despite the fact that it is cruel, just the sight of him makes me sick. soo….I’ve been nasty to him, insulted him, told him he is not a man in book….yada yada.
He will NOT go away. It’s bizarre. I come to find that his mother was verbally and physically abuse to him. ahhhhhh
Just like home. . . LOL Charmaine.
Maybe, “You’re perfect on paper. Don’t call me again.”
I’m not talking about selfishness. I’m talking about real and true LOVE. As in the Bible. Pure. God.
Excellent point.
I’ve observed that people will especially despise in others a quality that they may or may not know they themselves possess (and despise in themselves).
The same is true for good qualities. It’s hard to notice, say, generosity in someone if you yourself are not generous. But if you are, it’s easy to see.
Everyone we encounter is a mirror.
That’s true Susanne, this is why my daughter’s “tone” sometimes bothers me so much. Cause I internally give myself a lot of crap over my own “tone.”
It’s not an effective way to get rid of a tone. It only makes more tone.
What has been working though is to work on the feelings behind my tone. Anger, frustration, unforgiveness, etc. Now THAT is effective. As I work through that I find I take a tone less often. Or maybe just for fun and to entertain
We sure do share a lot of similar traits, Tracee.
I also take issue with my tone of voice. A harshness I get from (and dislike in) my mom (of course, right).
And you’re right. Dealing with all those things in myself–the anger, frustration and being hyper-critical–is much more effective than trying to change my mother.
I’m less concerned with trying to change her at this point than I am with preventing the tone from being passed on to my daughter, but, even at four years old, I hear it sometimes already.
It always makes me take a step back and look for a peaceful place in myself. Because, like you said, otherwise I’ll only create more tone.
When I do soften myself and consciously express that softness with my voice, my kid responds in kind. I’d bet you have similar results with your daughter, no?
Sure is a lot of anger, though, bottled up in there. Sometimes I have to go for a ride in the car where I can just scream my freakin’ head off.
I say whatever works. I do a 13 minute Elsie Escobar meditation http://elsieyogakula.wordpress.com/2008/01/11/episode-61-chill-the-body-out-a-13-minute-full-body-yogic-relaxation/
a 65 minute Yoga Nidra (yogic sleep) http://elsieyogakula.wordpress.com/2008/01/25/episode-62-yoga-nidra-yourself-out-a-65-min-deep-meditative-relaxation/
Or go to http://www.tapping.com and run through the letting my feelings go exercise.
Very effective
Thanks Tracee,
I will definitely check these out. Haven’t tried tapping yet, but hear it’s very effective.
I can’t tell you how much I love the voice of Elsie Escobar. So soothing.