Love Stinks – So Says This PWC
February 8, 2007 by laura
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Its Thursday, and that means its theme day over at the Science and Health Channel of b5 media. Todays topic is all about love. You can read posts by all S&H b5 media bloggers about love, via Kristen’s blog Lively Women.
I have been racking my brain, trying to come up with reasons how “Love” makes living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome better, when you are in the thick of it. And the truth is I can’t come up with a reason. Here is why, when I am feeling cfs-ish I can not stand to be around people. Any person. Even if it is THE person. Any kind of noise, or presence will make things worse for me. It hurts. If the television is on in the other room, and he is just watching quietly…somehow I can internalize that, and I will actually experience pain from tv noise. Every annoyance is amplified x 10 000.
But we are talking about love, and not external noise (white or any other colour).
Having someone around trying to make me feel better, just makes it worse even. Why? Well, because no matter how hard he tries ~ he can’t make it (cfs) go away. In the end, I just end up feeling guilty that he tries so hard.
When I am feeling lousy, I am not able to go out and do fun things with. So he feels like he needs to stay in and take care of me, or we end up fighting (which as you all know, is really bad news) because he is frustrated with me being sick, yet again. And starts to think that I am using it as an excuse.
OK the excuse thing, is rough. I will freely admit, that sometimes I am able to “suck it up a bit”, and just won’t – because I am slightly tired. I misread his wanting to spend time with me, for neediness. And I am so concerned about my own independence, that I get annoyed that he wants to spend all waking hours (that are non sickness ones) with me. Which there are few.
When someone else is thrown into the CFS equation, my life gets all turned around. Everything that should be happening (all those love bubble feelings)…is kind of bypassed, because I have a big black cloud named CFS hanging over my head. And while I am fairly good at managing it on my own….trying to bring someone else in just doesnt work for me. I really don’t want, or need to have to worry about someone else’s happiness, at the same time. At least for me, it just complicates matters. And I just don’t do complicated.
That said, I am a fairly big advocate for long distance relationships.
This makes me really sad, Laura. I am the exact opposite. I could not bear CFS without my husband. There are definitely times when even having him in the room exacerbates pain, but generally it is just a comfort knowing that I am not alone. That someone loves me even though I am sick. I know that I am very fortunate to have a husband who doesn’t blame me for being ill.
No matter what, I think you’re da bomb.
Tris, right back at ya!
Jennie, don’t be sad… I don’t feel that way all of the time. Just when things are really bad. The independence thing, is really important to me. And sometimes, when I am feeling not so good, I misinterpret motives….and well, distance is just better for me.
Laura, I’m sorry you feel this way right now, but don’t give up. I’m older (three children and grandchildren), and I’m in a long-term relationship with a slighly younger woman with three grown children. But we are getting better, together. In addition to our well matched personalities, WE BOTH HAVE CFS; we’re the only PWC couple we know. The fact that we truly understand the other’s situation and needs makes everything better. Each has the other to help and understand on bad days, and days when we’re both up to “going out” are fully appreciated. Please don’t ever give up on your life.
Tom,
I am really not as bitter, as this post makes me seem. I am going through a kind of a rough patch at the moment. But I have wonderful people in my life, and I adore and appreciate them. It just happens that when I am feeling lousy, I prefer to be alone. It just makes things easier for me.
Wow! A CFS couple. You are definitely the first one I have heard of. I think its fabulous that are able to support each other. Your comment has made me smile.
Oh and no matter what, I have no intention of giving up on my life. I have a pretty good one. Just needs a bit of tweaking now and again.