Lying About Homework
I’ve mentioned before how my teenager struggles with homework. We’ve tried everything to get him motivated to get his work done, but nothing seems to work. All of his teachers tell us he is a pleasure to have in class and is very smart. He just doesn’t do his homework so his grades are terrible.
A few months ago he was diagnosed with ADD. I felt terrible because we waiting so long to talk to our doctor about this diagnosis. I really think if we had gone to the doctor sooner, it would have helped him tremendously. Now he’s about to finish his sophomore year in high school and his grades are not good. Now we need to spend time finding the right medication that will work for him. We need to spend more time working on study skills again now that his brain is cooperating. And now is the time when these bad grades really effect him. Now these grades are on his official transcript that colleges and future employers may see.
We have yet to find the right combination of medication and nagging that works to get him on track. It’s getting better, but slowly. I’m a big education pusher. I’m all over my kids to get their homework done to the best of their ability and in on time. I’m not afraid to schedule meetings with counselors and email teachers. I’m on the verge of pulling a Rosanne and wearing the most embarrassing outfit I can find and following him around school to each of his classes. Almost.
We can check grades online to see what assignments are turned in and which aren’t. I know there is some debate about this. Our parents didn’t have that much information when we were kids. They just had to wait until midterms grade came out to ground us. Now we can ground our kids daily for missing assignments. I, however, love the fact that I can see all assignments online. By midterm it’s often to late to make up for lost work and he would end up failing. If I can see homework assignments in real time it helps me help him. I know when he’s in college (if he goes) I won’t get the luxury of seeing each assignment grade, but that’s ok. Without a high school diploma he can’t do anything. He can’t go in the military. He can’t go to college. He can’t get a job that pays more than minimum wage. We’re just working on high school right now. We’ll cross the college bridge when we get there.
About a week ago we sat down and went through every single assignment that was still missing. My son showed me what was completed and just needed to be turned in and then he worked on the assignments that still needed work. He is currently taking a PC Operating Systems class. It’s a dual credit class which means he not only gets high school credit, but he also get college credit. His grade for this class will be on his college transcript. Right now he gets to take the class for free, but if he fails it then we have to pay the local community college the fee for the course. It will be around $300 and I told my son the money will be coming from his savings account. All the money he just got for his birthday will be going to this class if he doesn’t get this grade up.
So (I thought) he was really focusing on that class and getting that work done. He showed me the three assignments that were missing and he had them completed. But when I checked online on Tuesday he still hadn’t turned them in.
I finally had enough and told him I would be going to school with him on Wednesday morning. So Wednesday morning I dragged my tired butt out of bed early and my husband and I accompanied our son to school. I feel like meeting his teachers face-to-face works better for us because he can’t give me this song and dance about how his teacher didn’t explain it right or won’t give him another copy of the worksheet or whatever excuse he comes up with. We met with each of his teachers that morning. He turned in all the assignments he had done and we got info and/or worksheets for all of the remaining missing assignments. All was going well.
His PC Operating Systems teacher wasn’t in the room right away. We checked several times and he wasn’t there yet. I was about to give up when we decided to check one more time. He was there. We walked in and I looked at my son and said, “Ok, turn in Chapter 11, 13 and 14.”
He looked down at his shoes and said, “I can’t.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“They aren’t done.”
“What do you mean they aren’t done. I saw them.”
“I lied. I just showed you old assignments and labeled them Chapter 11, 13 and 14.”
I was stunned. “You lied?” I stumbled.
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
I was ready to strangle him right there, but we were in front of his teacher and a few students were in the room so I kept my cool. I told him to bring home all of his books that night and he’d be working on everything the remainder of the week and through the weekend.
I know teenagers lie, but I was just so taken aback that he faked his homework. He knew he wasn’t going to get away with it. I check his grades every day. I know he hasn’t turned it in. He was going to get caught eventually. It just blows my mind.
Needless to say, he has been grounded to his room since Wednesday. We sat down and discussed the lying. I told him I understand homework is boring to him and I’m going to be mad when he doesn’t do his part. Homework is his job right now. But I will not tolerate lying at all. I think we had a good talk.
And now his doctor has upped his ADD medicine so hopefully that will help. He seems to be doing better the last couple days. He’s gotten quite a bit done and is getting caught up.
Raising teenagers is so exhausting.
I’ve not lived with a kid with ADD, so I could be wrong, but it seems you have both a physiical problem AND a psychological problem. The medicine will do it’s job, but shouldn’t you also be in counseling? My son had a different problem with temper control issues. We managed his problems with both medicine and family counseling. I think the counseling would benefit both of you. You are really stressed out having to monitor his every assignment, and the counselor can give suggestions to help with this.
As an ADD coach I can tell you that medication is not enough. It will, as the above commenter suggested, relieve the biological “deficit” but your son is going to be a high school junior and he is habituated to certain behaviors (I love the one where he renames his old assignments – clever boy – very ADD
) Coaching has been a recommended protocol for the treatment of ADD for over two decades. I myself was coached when I was diagnosed in 1980. I didn’t have studying problems but I was socially inept among other things. Feel free to give me a no-strings-attached call. 425-316-3174 (that goes for your readers too) and to visit the ADD coaching section of my website for more info: http://www.RockTheWorldCoaching.com/coaching.htm
Margit Crane
I am exactly like this boy except I am a girl, I am also a junior in high school. I am completely motivated and I am on medication. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in 5th grade. I know it is a huge problem! I want to do it, I just can’t. It’s not that I don’t know, I just can’t get myself to do it. I do small assignments during other classes, which I don’t need to pay attention in because they are so easy, I always do projects and usually do papers. But I want to do everything like a normal child, I want to go to a really good college so I can become an Entomologist but that doesn’t look like a possibility the way my grades are right now. My mom is a teacher and hates to see my grades the way they are. I don’t know what to do.
Christine,
I feel your pain! I just got off the phone with my sons counselor who is setting up a meeting with my son and his teachers and her to discuss what to do about his lying and not completing assignments. He went on ADD meds at the beginning of the school year, it has helped him a lot with the concentrating but then he cant get to sleep at night there fore it is VERY hard to get him out of bed in the morning. I dont work outside the home and have a 21,19 and 5 year old also besides the one giving me trouble who is 14. I am soo exhausted and spend so much time trying to see if his things are done and checking on my two in college plus the 5 year old that I cant keep up! We only have 15 days of school left now, I am hoping something will sink in with him and he will realize the importance of doing the homework. My two older ones never gave me this much grief and both could of done better in high school. I have never looked on line before and stumbled on this looking on line about lying. I am glad to hear I am not the only one going through this! I just hoping he will do better next year when grades go on record!
Thanks
Tamara