Mad Man

“Only human,” Jill says?  What a rot!

This is a toughie, one of those that tiptoes between depicting the pressures of a special-needs family and depicting the kind of deep bickering that all couples/parents experience. “He’s only human?” Who in hell is she kidding? She despises me when I yell at the kids, pure and simple. Jill wants to kick me out of the house when I yell at the kids. The only reason she doesn’t is because it would leave her alone with Alex and Ned.

Photo courtesy Piez (flickr.com)

Jill’s family has this thing about yelling. They don’t yell at each other nearly enough, in my opinion. Or, maybe they’ve worked it out just right and their feelings simmer no more than do the feelings in families where everybody yells a lot, like mine did. If open expression is love, my parents loved each other all they could without actually pressing charges.

I yell. But, what’s the point of yelling at a kid who’s stuffed a whole roll of Charmin down the toilet? What’s the point of yelling at a kid who gets up in the middle of the night and starts giggling loudly? What’s the point of yelling at an 11-year-old kid who’s writing on the walls with a crayon? What’s the point of yelling at a kid who grabs your arm in the middle of your dinner, sticks his face close to yours, and says “HugEE!” by which he means “cookies,” a word he’s read a dozen times but still doesn’t pronounce it correctly? Is yelling going to make him not do it?

Well, with Alex, slowly, yes.

I yell “No!” but Jill sold me short. Lately, I also yell “Alex, why did you DO such a stupid thing!?” I yell this because it calls Alex’s action stupid, not him, and I yell it because it’s what I’d yell at a typically developing kid. Alex, when I’m yelling at him, stands there, at least right after the infraction, giggling and laughing. He knows. Then he looks at me and sobers up.

I yell because I’m tired.  It’s been a tough 10 years and I deserve to have the couch feel this good after another day because the next 20 years probably won’t be a any easier.

I will not remain calm all the time. Jill won’t like it when I yell. This is one of those gaps you’re going to get when you’re married with kids, when there’s a kid who clogs the toilet and runs around naked and says “HugEE”, when breaking him of any of those habits is going to take extra work, and when the two parents are also two tired individuals.