Comments on: Made Direct Amends

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 03:36:29 +0000

Victoria,

Though it may seem like it, somehow I think this is not the best place to look for answers to challenges like you present.

Please consult your Al-Anon sponsor and your therapist regarding this…

By: Victoria

Victoria — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 03:06:49 +0000

I hurt a new friend over a period of about 6-8 months by being obssessed with him and pushing myself on him, then got angry and told him, no wonder your wives left you for other men, when he said he wanted no more communication with me. I was on anti depressants and had a vitamin d deficiency, as well as a number of life changing events occurring, job change, interstate move, loss of a fiance of 12 years, as well as not fitting in at the new job. I want desparatly to make amends to this man and I am going through al-anon (I grew up in an alcoholic family0 and am in counseling. He will not acknowledge me, foregive me, or respond at all. I’m afarid he will yell at me and say some nasty things if I just “dropped by” to make them, it’s been about 4 months since this happened and I am really looking for some guidance. I feel very bad for the things I said and did to hurt him. How can I make it up to him?

By: Ronnie

Ronnie — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 06:42:29 +0000

making amends can it be done in a phone call or does it have to done in person?

By: Should You Make Amends With Those You’ve Wronged?

Should You Make Amends With Those You’ve Wronged? — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 17:20:20 +0000

[...] making amends, a mumbled “sorry” doesn’t really cut it (Mark addresses this at Made Direct Amends). Even in the case of mental health situations, a quick “sorry” may clear your [...]

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 22:42:38 +0000

John,

That sure sounds like another valid way to perceive it and thank you.

By: John

John — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 18:00:39 +0000

I think the key lesson of that story comes from the part where you say Tom wrote the note at least in part out of a desire to get back in his wife’s good graces.

That has nothing to do with amends, that’s the OPPOSITE of making amends!

An old timer explained it to me as – you don’t make amends for you, you do it for them. You don’t make amends so you’ll feel better, you make them so maybe they will – and the magic part is, if you do it right, if you do it completely for them…you will feel better!

By: John B

John B — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 20:46:21 +0000

HAHA Tom sounds like my kind of guy! I can definitely relate to that story!

Thanks for sharing it!

By: "Mike P sunny on L I "

"Mike P sunny on L I " — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:53:21 +0000

“I’M SO SORRY I’LL NEVER DO THAT AGIAN”
Boy we know that one well dont we? I was tought a while ago that “sorry ” is no where in this step but Amends is and was told to look it up in the great big book of words . And much to my dismay it was all about CHANGE once more , more change .
Today I still make these amends mainly to one person who just will not for there own reasons let me speak on the past , I do things for this person {who is getting up there in age }and dont tell anyone most of these things I realy dont want to do but willingness is doing something I dont want to do .