Make Your 2008 Guilt-Free
January 2, 2008 by Alicia Sparks, Mental Health Notes
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Monday I referred to Scott Wharton’s post about holiday guilt, and invited you all to take a look at the guilt you’re carrying around and the effects it’s having on your mental health, as well as to start preparing yourself for getting rid of that guilt.
Today, I want to offer some suggestions on how to unload guilt. After all, how are you supposed to move forward with the new year and grow as a person if you’re carrying around unnecessary baggage full of guilt?
So, read on for five ways to help unload your guilt and move into 2008 stress-free! OK, well, a little freer of stress, haha.
- Get out a pen and some paper. Write about the situation. This works best if you feel guilty for something that was generally within your control – think infidelity, lying, uncontrolled anger, etc. Although it may hurt, be as detailed as possible. Read it once or twice, then recognize three things: what is causing you to feel guilty (you cheated, lied, lashed out, etc.), why this behavior was a mistake, and what you need to do or not do in the future to avoid feeling this way and hurting others. Then get rid of it. Rip it up. Tear it to shreds. Send it to its rightful place – the dump – and with it, your feelings of guilt. (Note: I included this as the first suggestion because it fairly recently worked very well for me when nothing else did.)
- Learn to tell the difference. This goes right along with the first suggestion. It’s important to be able to tell the difference between what is and what isn’t within your control. If you’re feeling guilty over something that was out of your control, remind yourself of that fact. Try telling yourself how you would have changed the situation if you’d had the control – you may even want to tell others involved. After that, let it go.
- Pretend you’re your best friend. Or sister. Or brother. Or either of your parents. You get the idea. Would you continually beat up a loved one over a mistake he or she had made? No. Nor would you want him or her to continually beat him or herself up. Treat yourself with the same forgiveness, kindness, and respect.
- Hand it over to God. Or whatever higher power you pray to. Those of us with religions understand the relief and weightlessness this brings.
- Forgive yourself. This may seem like a no-brainer, but so many of us fail to actually do it. You may need to remind yourself of all the cliches such as “We all make mistakes,” “It’s important we learn from them,” and “In order for others to love us we must love ourselves.” They’re overused for a reason – they’re true!
Have suggestions of your own? I’m sure you do – share ‘em in the comments!
Alicia, these are really good tips.
I live with guilt all the time and for no good reason. I feel guilty when something goes wrong for my kids, two of whom are adults! I feel guilty if the dog gets hurt, I feel guilty if a client isn’t happy with an assignment or project I completed.
But, worst of all, I still carry guilt over my brother’s suicide almost three years ago. I *know* that I have no reason to feel guilty and that’s what makes it all that more frustrating.
I often wonder if perfectionists feel more guilt than non-perfectionists. I am one, trying not to be one though because it is very arrogant of me to think that I can control so many things around me, isn’t it?
Although I don’t generally make New Years resolutions, maybe this is one I have to make. I shouldn’t feel guilty about things over which I have no control.