Marriage Fitness 7

The library says I can’t renew Marriage Fitness any longer, so it’s time to finish up the review. Onto Step #4 – Save Yourself. “Save Yourself” is the most overtly sexual of all the Steps. Step #2, Give Presence, brushes up against the issue in the context of giving gifts that have meaning and value to your spouse, but Step #4 tackles the issue head on.

Fertel doesn’t waste time talking about how or how often a husband and wife should have sex. Instead he gets to the root issue of our unavoidable attraction for other humans. Call it design or call is selection, either way men are attracted to women and vice versa. (This isn’t the place for a conversation on homosexuality; stay on topic with me.) Entering into a lifelong monogamous relationship doesn’t – as much as we might like it to – suddenly alter our physiology so that we no longer find anyone other than our spouse attractive. Au contraire, mes amis!

Just as the suggestion put forth by Fertel in the first three steps – time, gifts, activities and interests – will build attraction and will strengthen your relationship with your spouse; so, too, will those same things build attraction and strengthen your relationship with someone who is not your spouse should you choose to live in that way. Fidelity is not a one time election made on your wedding day. No, it is a series of decisions made day by day over the course of a lifetime. The positive aspect is to choose your spouse; the negative it to not choose someone else.

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