Meeting Men In Bars
October 21, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
Learned something new from Men’s Health Magazine today…
If you are out with your girlfriends and open to meeting someone new don’t ”huddle” together. It intimidates men. I can see why it would intimidate them, but honestly, the word “huddle” brings to mind a group of giggly high school girls. Kind of a silly word.
Scan the room like Ben Roethlisberger. “Huddling behavior means they’re closed to outsiders,” says Dennie Hughes, a relationship expert and the author of Dateworthy. Your best bet is an outward-facing group or a line of women doing their own scanning. Aim for groups of three women or more, so no one ends up alone.
The idea is to charm the group and thereby charm the girl you are interested in. The guy will mirror the group’s behavior, chat about what they are watching or listening to, possibly take song requests if there’s a juke box. It makes a lot of sense and I’m thinking it could work just as well for women.
People say things like, “I don’t want to meet someone in a bar,” or “I would never try online dating,” or ….well there are a multitude of excuses out there. Why? Why not meet someone in a bar? Or online? Why not be open to meeting people anywhere, at any time?
How about you – would you approach a group of “outward facing” men and ask them how they were enjoying the game/match/song? Do you have rules about where it’s appropriate to meet people? If you did meet someone in a bar, would you be embarrassed to admit it?
I think it’s more intimidating to go up to a group vs. just one or two people. You’re not only fearing rejection, but several witnesses to the rejection, making it all the more embarrassing.
I think the best way to go up to a group is with a group… equal (or close to equal) number on each side would make it more comfortable. Or more looking like a fight was going to happen, one or the other, depending on the mood.
~ Kristi
I think that’s a great idea, Kristi! The two groups getting sort of mingle-y. That would work.
My girls and I know all about this. Walking up to a group is intimidating, especially if you get shot down. If I’m going out to pick up, I only take one or two girls with me, if I’m going to hang with the ladies, then I bring 25.
I really have never been one to “pick up” at a bar… in fact, when I usually go to a bar, it’s almost always only with a mixed group – men and women – all friends. We do end up in our own little world, though, so maybe I never noticed, but this is at hometown bars… places where I already know everyone in the joint… places where even if I WERE going to think of meeting a guy, it wouldn’t be any of those who are there a lot because I know them all. LOL
Not that I’m a bar-goer so much either… just that it’s Smalltown, USA around here.