Men and Women – Are We Really That Different?
October 20, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
In the past I’ve shared what I’ve picked up about the male perspective on dating and relationships. I think that a better understanding of men and how they view things can only be a benefit - both for women and for men.
Today, a friend of mine, Eliza, shared this post with me Ten Dating Red Flags, by Rich Santos over at Marie Claire. Rich shares some very important relationship points that are equally applicable to men and to women.
For example:
1. You Are Not on the VIP List For Breaking News. Were you the last to learn about this person’s job promotion or newborn niece or nephew? Once things are serious, you should be among the first to know about exciting news, or bad news.
OR
3. The Don’t Make Any Sacrifices. Healthy relationships don’t require bending over backwards all the time, but a certain amount of sacrifice is necessary in a selfless union. When two of my friends first started dating one another, she demanded that he go to Farm Aid for her birthday, which was also the opening NFL football Sunday. While all the guys gathered to watch the games, he was sweltering on some field attending Farm Aid-an event he never would have gone to if she hadn’t of invited him. Now that’s sacrifice.
These points, they are important. There needs to be some sense of connection, some sense of an ”us” in a long term relationship. That give and take, it builds trust and security.
The differences between the sexes can be very deep and mysterious and in some ways that’s good. Too much familiarity can change something sexy into something friend-y, but for the most part, there has to be some common ground, some shared vision of where we are coming from if we are to ever get the next phase in a relationship. It is heartening to learn that men and women are looking for the same things in a relationship. It’s boys vs. girls world.
I want to understand men. I want to figure out the man-puzzle, if there is one. I love men and it’s important to me that my daughters learn to enjoy and understand the opposite sex, as well, which is tough when you are growing up in single parent household. My hope for their future is a loving and enduring relationship. It is my hope for your future, too.
Do you have your own version of a red flags list? Do you have an important piece of the man-puzzle mystery that you’d like to share?
I don’t know if we’ll ever really understand men, but I’ve noticed that they are pretty “simple”. I don’t mean “dumb” simple. They’re desires are simple; their needs are simple. Once you figure those out it can really help your relationship. But then, even being married for as long as I have been (17 years) I still find that my husband and I have to sometimes explain ourselves to each other. Gotta keep the comm lines open!
That’s truly the key. I do like the differences…like you said, it keeps thing interesting.
The idea of open communication, it sounds so basic and simple, but it’s really not that easy. Everyone always says that’s the key, but it can be harder to maintain than I originally thought. It only works if both parties commit to it and it’s tough when one party temporarily shuts down. I have a lot of respect for couples who are able to keep it going. That shows that you work hard and are very focused on making it through the hard times.
Thanks for commenting, Leah.
I believe that men and women are very different. Women are much more emotional and men operate in a less emotional logical manner. I fully agree with you that men are much “simpler” than women. The truth is that women are overwhlmingly too complex for men.
Have you read the book “Relationslips” yet? This is a collection of true stories of one man’s experiences with modern attitudes toward dating and relationships. The bare reality is as ugly for our society as many people are predicting.
Author Adam Kirk Pruden puts it all out there in a funny, humorous way, but you can feel his pain even though he attempts to mask it with a smile.
You can find the book (including a fifteen page preview) by searching “Relationslips” on Google and Yahoo or you can go directly through http://www.RelationslipsBook.com