“Mirror, Mirror On The Wall…I’m too short, too fat, too tall!”
The grass is always greener, the neighbor’s house is always nicer and the neighbor is always skinnier on the other side of the fence, right? How many times a week do you find yourself feeling unsatisfied with your appearance? Maybe you wish for a smaller waist, bigger breasts, or wrinkle free skin. We are all guilty of feeling this way and it is okay. It is just human nature to want to improve ourselves. Verbalizing these feelings in front of our children, however, can be detrimental to their own self esteem. Even non-verbal clues may give a child the wrong ideas about body image.
For example, do you ever make negative comments about your weight, when in the presence of your kids? By the same token, how many times have you made a positive comment regarding your appearance? Kids have a keen sense of hearing, contrary to what they would like us to believe. They hear the comments and store them away in their little memory banks. As they reach puberty and start becoming more aware of body image, your comments will be woven into their own ideas of what dictates a “good body.”
Non verbal cues are just as instrumental in forming images. Media sets some of the most unrealisitc standards that teens rely on to form their opinions of themselves. Do you have fashion magazines, graced with slender models gracing the covers, laying around? Do your kids see you taking diet pills? Do they see you cry in defeat as you try to squeeze into your old swimsuit? These are all non-verbal cues of poor body image. On a personal note, I struggle with how to explain my choice to have breast augmentation, to my daughters. They are still unaware of my choice, but I’m not sure if it will always be that way. We do not talk about my surgery. I am not embarrassed about my choice, but I do not want my daughters to get the wrong idea about my own body image. When they are mothers and have suffered the effects of nursing their own children, then they will have a good understanding of why I made the decision to have the surgery done. Until then, I’m afraid that they will only see it as dissatisfaction with my body as a whole, which is very far from the truth. So we keep my choice a private one, until they are old enough to understand.
If you are guilty of sending messages of negativity to your kids, now is the time to stop. I am not saying that you have to love the not so great things about your image. It is okay to work towards improvement, but exhibiting positivity in front of your children is key. Save your complaints for coworkers or friends. Refer to your diet as “healthy lifestyle changes,” instead of “mommy needs a new pair of thighs.” Try to make at least one positive comment about yourself, every day. Hide those fashion magazines, if you must keep them. Think of these things as investments in your child’s future body image. After all, a child’s greatest wish is to be just like mommy or daddy when they grow up. Don’t you want them to have a positive role model to imitate?
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