Morning Musings [I Was Debating With Myself]
July 20, 2007 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
I love it when I sit in a meeting and I hear someone say “I was debating with myself.” I know it happens “out there” yet it always seems so appropriate when it relates to an alcoholic.
Do you ever have this one? This one could be life or death…
I’m a real alcoholic. No, I’m not. Oh hell yes I am! No, I’m not. Danny S. says I’m not because I’m “recovering” not “recovered.” Screw Danny S. But, maybe you’re really not a “real” alcoholic.
You must be kidding! How am I not? I put alcohol in me and all bets are off! One is too many and a thousand aren’t enough! Doesn’t my track record prove itself? It truly isn’t rocket science ya’ know. At the moment I put alcohol in me, something happens inside me and I lose the ability to say no to the next drink. I only stop drinking when I’m unconscious and fall down in a black out. If that isn’t a real alcoholic then I don’t know what one is…
Prayerfully, I won’t have to prove it to myself again, one day at a time. [Does anyone know of a moment of reality other than this one?]
I’ve NEVER had any doubt about my alcoholism. It’s only since I began coming to AA that I’ve learned of all the other things I am. Some, I’m sure, I have yet to find out about. LOL
I hear ya’ dAAve, I hear ya’
I sometimes get the doubtful as to whether I’m an alcoholic or not at times but its happening less and less now the longer I stay sober and the more I progress into my program. I usually get the “your not really alcoholic” thoughts if I have missed a meeting. But I usually quiet with that thought with this one “AA has done so much good for your life, why stop?” Hope that doesn’t sound too disease ridden and crazy…
It seems that I can’t use correct spelling and grammar today.