My eHarmony Experience
January 27, 2009 by Darcie Vany
Filed under Relationships
I’ve done several online dating sites in my life, with varied success. I had met my last boyfriend on Lavalife and had a pretty good experience on it about 4 years ago, so when I saw all the cheesy eHarmony commercials with the happy couples, I decided to give it a try. It was the first time I had to pay to use an online dating service so I was expecting some decent results. I tried their 3 month option, for $120.
At first it seemed pretty neat. How eHarmony works, is they make you take a personality test, where they ask you tons of questions about yourself and what you are looking for. Then they match what you said with others of the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s what you’re into). Every morning, I would wake up, and there would be 10 new matches for me. Then I would go through them and decide if I wanted to initate contact with any of them based on their pics and profiles. The communication is guided…you have to follow their sets of questions and then when you’re done that, you switch to open communication where you can e-mail back and forth.
I actually didn’t mind this at all…it can be a little stressful to just come right out and start talking to a complete stranger.
What they don’t tell you is that anyone can create a profile, and then walk away from it and never subscribe to the service (which means you can’t communiacate). I had a male friend who signed up the same time I did and he left his account alone for 3 months before subscribing. So he was getting matches sent to him the entire time…these women would be attempting communication with him, and he would be doing nothing about it, Talk about a blow to the ego…to never have someone return your communications!
So despite the fact that my profile was great, my picture was amazing, I barely got any attention. I think I made to open communication with 4 men in 3 months, and only had 2 dates….and I wasn’t trying to be picky! It became very clear rather quickly that there were way more women on eHarmony than there were men. Which makes sense since it’s typically a place to look for relationships.
The whole experience was pretty crappy, I really didn’t enjoy it at all. I would not recommend it to my friends. Has anyone else ever tried it?
My best friend tried it, and after three weeks, met her now fiance. So I tried it, and the second guy I talked to through eHarmony was a guy I dated for six months. So I know it can work. But I also know it doesn’t work for everybody.
I’ve had friends who have tried it with varied responses. I know about Heather and her friend’s experience with it. I think it works well for a single who is looking for someone who is like-minded in the faith department, but that’s not to say that a Christian dating service can’t do the same.
I have another friend who has sunk a chunk of change into it and she’s not had good luck. She’s met guys whom she didn’t mesh with, but more than anything, it seems as if she pays and is disappointed by the lack of communication. And she is a catch – cute, smart, interesting, funny.
Some of the built in ways they have to find your matches – they pick men 5 years or more older, etc – they seem so old-fashioned. They wouldn’t allow same sex matching, but they are working on a new same sex dating site.
I’m going to advise people to use the free sites from now on. There just doesn’t seem to be a lot going on out there right now, which is odd because the experience that both me and my friends had in the past was very different. Why pay good money on nothing when money is tight??
I was on EHarmony on and off for a year and a half. I did meet some nice guys but overall most of the time the send you matches that you really are not compatible with. Maybe if they had a person matching people up and not a computer system it would be different. Many of the matches I received were either not members, married, scammers, too lazy to even complete a profile or extremely needy. As a very busy, independent and well-educated woman approaching 40, I have never understood what points of compatibility those particular matches had with me. I will say it is worth it to take the personality test. I found it was interesting and did describe me very well. And while I have made some great new friends through the site none have been compatible for a romantic relationship. I would recommend signing up on their advice site. The people are very interesting, the advice is usually good and from real people like us, and best of all it is free. Technically, it is not a site to meet dates on but I have made several friends who have met on there. One of the great things about it, is that you can get a better sense of the people you are talking to by reading the comments they post on different issues.
Hi – I have tried it and it’s not really beneficial, I am a man looking for the right woman, but I get a few mails or contacts but if we come to step “three” or “four” to communicate totally free without the “guide”… the most women are close my match or didn’t get me an answer… okay – I am just 29 years; a German and living in Germany but should this be a probleme… I could go where ever I want to… especially if the right person is waiting for me.
I think eharmony does work in the larger cities. If you live in a rural community you get matches from far away. I tried eharmony with no success. My last date was a nightmare. I haven’t been back on the site since. The guy showed up in sweats for coffee. Ya, grey jersey sweats. On a more positive note, my ex recently married a gal he met on eharmony.