My Experience With Online Dating

I made the decision, last month, to consider meeting someone new online.  I haven’t been able to speak to Steve for almost two months now – I’d say that his silence is a pretty good indication of where we stand and my patience has finally been exhausted.

I put an ad up at Match.com and not much happened there. I was viewed a lot and got a few winks from some men in their fifties - not that I have a problem with men in their fifties, but I’m looking for someone who is near the same point in life that I am. I still have a child in elementary school.  I tweaked the ad a bit, added more personal opinion, information, etc, and switched to a smilier photo. Nothing. Ooh, the rejection……. sheesh.

Anyway, I put up a profile at Plenty of Fish.com and that’s been a different story…..

First of all, I am happy to report that I have heard from no “freaks.”  This is a complaint that is frequented voiced (penned?) in reference to Plenty Of Fish, as it is a free service.  I started receiving responses right away, which sort of backed up my theory that many of those guys at Match.com are registered, but not subscribed. 

The first guy sent me a poem. It was not a very good poem, but I absolutely appreciated his attempt and he sounded very proud of it. I talked to him a couple of times, then didn’t hear from him again.  I was polite and I tried to keep an open mind, but I kind of knew he was not what I was looking for in that first email.

The second guy emailed once, the first day my profile went up, then nothing until last night. I emailed back and forth with him for a bit, but decided that my friend might like him more than I did.  He seemed more her type – well more her type before this last guy that she’s been seeing off and on.  I emailed back and forth saying that I was going to show him to my friend. He kept writing back, why her? Tell me about her?

I explained her good points in a few emails. Was he not reading what I wrote? Then, this morning I saw that I missed his last message when was basically why her? why not you?  Was he really trying to get me to say, “I’m sorry, but I am not attracted to you”?  Is that what men like – that complete directness?  Probably. Personally, I perfer they fade off or they say, “I think we aren’t a good match,” something gentle.  I don’t ever want to hear that someone finds me unattractive. I don’t need to know every thought or opinion that is floating around a guy’s head. If I ask, tell me, but otherwise skip it. Move on.

I chatted with a man on im last night – Plenty of Fish has an im feature. He seemed nice, but he is unemployed (I’ve already been dealing with one unemployed man for a year now) and he was very opinionated about my son and his care. My son, Max, is an 18-year-old boy with Cerebral Palsy. I’ve been parenting him for a long time. I am not in need of advice or criticism about how he should have been taught something like sign language.  He cannot do sign language, buddy. He does not have control of his hands. He questioned his therapy – did I stretch him enough, etc.  I only spoke to this man for about 20 minutes and had never emailed with him.  

For some reason, I went ahead and gave him my phone number, but later I thought about my reservations and it occurred to me that if he was that aggressive in his opinions and criticisms to a stranger, then that behavior would only grow stronger when I got to know him better. I emailed him and said that I enjoyed talking to him, but that I felt we were not a good match.

The fourth guy seemed the most promising in that I found his photo to be attractive and he shared a lot of my interests – hiking, biking, camping, movies. Well, getting this guy to talk is near impossible.  I ask him questions, thinking maybe he doesn’t know what to say and is in need of conversation starters. Still just a sentence or two in response. Steady are the responses, but after a week and about 7 or 8 emails a piece, I still feel as if I know nothing about him.  He keeps making the comment that he is typing two-fingered and it’s slow going. Okay, take your time then, but if you want to continue talking to me then say something. 

Today I mentioned that our family pet guinea pig died and he wrote back with no mention of it. Nothing. Instead he said, “I hear Yes, Man is a good movie.”  My friend had the same thing happen with a man.  She mentioned that her family pet was very ill and he said, “Cool.”  This guy did not say “cool,” but he either did not care or did not read what I wrote.  Is this a male thing – family pets die and it’s not big deal?  Around my house, this is a big deal. I fed that little guy with a syringe trying to save him.

Here’s my point – I like to keep an open mind, but I need to set up a list of what I will and won’t be okay with in terms of meeting these guys. If getting someone to talk is like pulling teeth and he has not asked for my phone number, then chances are he really has no interest in getting to know me. When I get involved again, I’d like it to go fairly easy this time.  If it’s too much work to get it started, then I’m not interested in taking a relationship on. I’ve got enough to challenge me in my every day. I’d like to meet a man to actually relax with and have fun.

What do you think?  Are you using an online dating service?  Any luck?  Any un-luck?