My New Boyfriend

I have a new boyfriend and it’s a little on the complicated side, because for some reason easy does not seem to be in the cards for me. Maybe that’s so that I will truly appreciate love when it arrives?  I’m not sure, but I do know that I am hopeful and very interested in seeing where this is going to go.

He is an old friend whom I caught up with again on Facebook. Facebook? Really?

I know it sounds silly, but reconnecting with old friends is my favorite thing about sites like Facebook or MySpace. We have spent more hours than I can count talking on the phone, the computer, etc. At this point, we’ve got to see how it feels to be in the same room again, but I can remember feeling an ease and comfort when I spent time with him as a young girl. I do not want to date anyone else and that’s where the “boyfriend” part comes in. I want to give this my attention for now. It matters to me.

Already, I can talk to him about things that I could never talk about in my last relationship. I see this as a good sign, because I think we, Mark and I, are better friends than I was with D. I thought that there was a good connection with D, but I have realized in the past couple of months that I was holding a lot back. I held my tongue and I’d get a pit in my stomach worrying about how I how to approach him about working things out. I was afraid he would retreat or get angry or talk in that really, really loud voice that he has. I didn’t like that voice. It made my eyes water.

I’ve found that as I get older, finding love and friendship takes me down paths that I never thought I’d tread. There’s always a surprise around the corner.  Yeah, I know that sounds corny, but the corny stuff is the good stuff. I love reminiscing with Mark and hearing him tell me that I was his high school crush. I like to picture young Mark and young Michelle standing and laughing with a crowd of friends, totally unaware of what lie ahead of them. Totally unaware of how lucky they’d feel someday.

I was talking to him about that picture in my head. About how I have all these random impressions of him stored in my head and I don’t have a lot of impressions of other people from my past. I can see how he moved and what he did with his hands. It’s like my subconscious said, hey store this up, this one is special.

My heart is full of hope and happiness. I feel good.

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