Next Year at Someone Else’s House
April 16, 2009 by Jill Cornfield
Filed under Health
Looking ahead to next year’s seder, I think we’ll prepare both more and less.
Any questions?
It went well this year. I’m reveling in the lack of Passover-related chores just now – a little more than a week ago I was looking frantically for the good flatware (more place settings than the everyday stuff), realizing we didn’t have enough drinking glasses, patting myself on the back for having effortlessly made charoses and salt water a day or two before, and fretting about how Alex would fare during the seder.
There was a certain amount of resistance on Alex’s part and a brief spell in the bedroom with Daddy, but he settled down and read the four questions in his soft, soft voice – so quiet compared with his “I want crackers!” voice or the one he uses to screech at Ned.
It’s possible we over prepared, because by the time we sat down with our neighbors for a dress rehearsal seder on Tuesday night, Alex seemed kind of tired of the whole thing. So next year, no dress rehearsal, just a week of preparing, and more talking about not just the holiday itself, but how there’s a special day coming up and that good behavior is expected from everyone.
Jeff said yesterday that it will be an uphill struggle for Alex to become an adult who practices Judaism, and I agree. Today he told me that while for many people rituals follow faith, for Alex it’s the reverse. We perform the rituals with him – we light the candles on Friday night, we say the blessing, and now he knows the words, knows those actions. I think he’ll learn to identify himself as Jewish because he is someone who knows the seder ritual, knows that we light candles on Friday nights and say some words that go with that ceremony.
I’m not so sure about how hard the uphill struggle will be for your son to become a “practicing” jew. yes, there are numerous rituals and laws and rules and practices to be followed. By the standards of some, I’m not a “practicing” jew, (I don’t keep kosher for example), yet I consider myself Jewish, I attend synagogue, my son became Bar mitzvah and still attends teen programs, we celebrate various holidays (but not all). For me, it is important to separate the rituals and practices from the spirituality. Not that they aren’t important and useful, but they are just the outward manifestations of an inward belief and relationship with G-d. Each person’s relationship with G-d is personal and unique. We are all created in his image. Autistic or not. Alex’s relationship with G-d will be his own, he will bring himself to that. It sounds like you two are well on your way to showing him YOUR relationship with your religion and spirituality and, as parents, that is all we really can do for our children. Next year at someone else’s house!