Oh, How Horrible!

“Oh, how horrible!,” people exclaim when they discover my mother had Alzheimer’s.  “How did you cope with it?”

I found I didn’t want to be pitied.  Now did I want Mother and Auntie, her sister, to be pitied.  Mother still had usefulness in her world and her family’s world.  Caring for her, coping with her, learning about her disease gave us better understanding of her and us. 

No, it wasn’t what I would have chosen; but it wasn’t our or Mother’s choice.  Were we to feel pity for ourselves and Mother?  Or were we to give her dignity and let her leave a legacy to help others?

I didn’t realize, at first, this was the direction I going when I cared for Mother in her home, our home in a distant state, and then in a nursing home.  I have bittersweet memories of those alternatingly challenging and peaceful days caring for Mother and directing her affairs.  Yet, knowing Mother and Auntie, I feel these ladies would have wanted others to be helped by what we’ve learned from this experience.

That’s why I continue to research, write and speak about Alzheimer’s disease…in their memories.