Good to see that I’m in such great (Daddy)company.

Kristina, your family rocks!

I guess I’ll end on this note, THE BRAVEST ARE SURELY THOSE WHO HAVE THE CLEAREST VISION OF WHAT LIES BEFORE THEM. GLORY AND DANGER ALIKE AND YET, NOTWITHSTANDING, GO OVER TO MEET IT”
Never surrender.

Regarding dads and moms—-I prefer to let the dad in our house do the talking on this topic. Due to our circumstances, we have had a fairly traditional set-up of Jim being the main breadwinner and me, while working, attending to most of Charlie’s care. This balance is slowly shifting, in part because of where Jim is in his career and where I am in mine. Jim is now on “morning duty” with the bus; Jim made the decision to teach Charlie to ride his bike and to take off the training wheels.

Sometimes I have wondered if my spending more time with Charlie (again, due to circumstances—-when one’s husband works in the Bronx, as did Jim for some years, and one lives in central New Jersey, the commute is long…….) has helped me “get over” some tough and sad feelings. I’ve done so much with Charlie, spent hectic afternoons rushing here and there in all sorts of weather with him, spent long and dull afternoons in the house wishing for the clock to move faster.

We’re more 50/50 than we ever have been now—I always tell Jim that Charlie calls for “Dad” when he’s gone, and Jim tells me there’s one word Charlie keeps saying when I am not around.

The things you mention which a lot of dads focus on are, I think, things that they can “fix” (or plan or manage…) and feel more grounded. I know as I give Niksdad the space to do those things and he steps up to help with some of the more mundane household things, it gives me the mental breathing space to regroup, strategize, advocate, mother, etc. AND to then be able to teach Niksdad about those same things.

I’m not feeling very articulate tonight so I wonder if I am making sense! Feel free to check out my blog site and email me from there. I’d love to continue this diaglogue further. I think you raise some very pertinent issues/questions —and I am pretty sure from what I’ve been reading on lots of *moms’* blogs, there are quite a number of dads who are fairly equal partners in parenting. But, I agree—it could always be better!

Even before he was diagnosed with autism.

When Mark was a little baby Hubby would pack up both he and our (then) four year old daughter and take them for a visit to his Mom’s or brother’s home to give me a chance to get things done around the house.

Good fathers who are involved in their child’s life, don’t suddenly turn into bad fathers once their child is diagnosed with autism.

Also of all the autistic fathers that I know,all are involved in their kid’s lives.

One I know is even a stay at home dad, while his wife goes out to work.

Generally I find more fathers ARE involved in their child’s lives these days.

Certainly it was not the case when I was a child.
Though fortunately for me my Dad (coming from a large Italian family of eight boys)was always a hands on father. Often cooking great pasta dishes for us all. Taking us out, and playing cricket and football in our big back yard.

I do remember though, back then, many fathers were not as involved with their kids as was my dad.

Nmom, just speaking as a dad knee deep in this experince. Dont want to overgeneralize, but I feel many dads have a somewhat longer period of denial about autism and its implications. I think, overall, we dads tend to focus on long term matters such as the financial callenges, while many moms respond to the challenges of the daily care. By being less involved in the daily interaction with our children/young adults us dads tend to have a somewhat longer period of denial. Love to get constructive feedback about this.