On Being Profound

Otherwise known as “Big-Shot-Ism.”

So, I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous because I’ve reached a time in my life when John Barleycorn has thoroughly kicked my butt to a point where I’m willing to do just about anything to effect a change in my life. Okay?

I’m a first-timer. I’ve never heard the “lingo” before. I don’t know what the heck “you people” are talking about. Because you’ve given me permission, I identify myself as a newcomer. You tell me I’m the most important person in the room, my ego runs riot on itself and the meeting begins.

Forty people begin practicing their next talk while they’re sharing (almost no one even mentions the first step) and then it finally gets around to Mr./Mrs. Profound.

Now remember, I love big shots. I may be in my cups, desperate, FOS etc., but I love big shots! Mr. Profound has all the sayings down pat. Has “How It Works” memorized. But there’s something just a bit different about Mr. Profound. Even though he/she has more than a decade sober they still do something many (if not all) of us were guilty of when we were drinking. I just mentioned it. “Just a little bit different.” Somehow, some way, they’re going to separate themselves from the masses and either climb to the top of the heap or hide beneath it.

So Mr Profound talks and sounds real good. I like what they’re saying. Makes a lot of sense, to me, the spanking brand new newcomer. Trouble is, that in spite of my desperation, despite the fact that alcohol has almost killed me, I have maintained a reservation. Someday I’ll be able to drink like a “normal” human being.

I continue to listen to Mr. Profound. I throw everything everyone else has said out the window of my mind. Mr. Profound is where its at!

Finally, Mr. Profound makes this statement – “I’m here in this meeting because I can’t stop drinking!”

Followed by the inevitable “I’ve been sober for 14 years but I can’t stop drinking and that’s why I keep coming to meetings.”

Think about this folks. If you want to really, really confuse a newcomer and possibly send them back “out there” with an incredibly mixed message that might just help them kill themselves, tell them that you’re sober 14 years but you can’t stop drinking.

I believe, in my heart, because I’ve been guilty of it, that statements like these are efforts to place myself above others because I want to be a “guru” in AA. And it isn’t uncommon! This is where we need the real oldtimers. The folks who would think nothing of putting us in our place. Remind us that this is ego-deflation at it’s finest. That I must place humility before intellect.

A Sober, Clean Day To All,

Mark