Once Again – There Are No Coincidences

Anger is an old foe. My disappointments in life go a very long way to creating the anger I feel. That anger eventually winds up being internalized which is why hearing that I am a “stone fox” now that I’m sober and cleaned up is something I latch on to with everything I am despite the reality it was probably said to ease my feelings.

The challenge I face, as the alcoholic I am (and am not alone), is with those shortcomings that I have asked to be removed yet somehow, in His wisdom, they remain. #1 – Is the need for love and companionship. It is based in a need to feel good enough. Which means it is based in ego. #2 – Is my difficulty with perceptions. I “hear” what someone says and I “hear” a tone of voice they say they didn’t use. And I think “bs.” Then I think “I ain’t stupid. I heard what you said the way you said it.” Which brings me to the fact that my voice has been misunderstood about a zillion times in my life so… yeah, not rocket science eh?

Without getting waaaaay too deep into this and waaaaay too personal for this Blog (imho) suffice it to tell you that my relationship is in extremely turbulent waters and is going down the proverbial whirlpool fast. Very fast. I want out.

ALL of which leads to this – Today’s reading (lol – dammit)

“A Measure of Humility”

“In every case, pain had been the price of admission into a new life. But this admission price had purchased more than we expected. It brought a measure of humility, which we soon discovered to be a healer of pain.”

Of course I read down into the reply and I see;

“With my life in God’s care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive.”

And I think – dammit I hate hearing the truth…