One of these things is not like the other…
June 13, 2007 by Bald Man
Filed under Relationships
(Pardon me while I take a slight diversion from our strict diet of marriage and nibble on a soupçon of parenting. Seeing as how Kerri and I are both married to one another and parents to the adorable brood pictured below, you can’t really have expected to get away from here without some mention of them sometime.)
Now I know, the obvious answer is, “The blonde one!” No… wait, the obvious answer is, “The girl one!” No… no… strike that, too. The obvious answer is, “The picture in profile!”
Sorry, you’re all wrong. It’s a trick question. The right answer is that none of them are in fact like any of the others. None. Not even remotely. Aside from some biological similarities – toes, eyes, etc. – they are almost, but not quite completely unlike one another.
As their father, you might think that I’d have known that right away. Seriously, you’ve only seen them for a couple minutes and you’ve arrived at this conclusion. Me? I’ve known them their entire lives. I was there at each of their births. The different events… in three different months… in three different years… and with an off year in between to boot! No identical twins. Not even fraternal twins. Three obviously distinct, separate and unique individuals. Any moron can see that.
Hi. My name is Cory, and I’m a moron. Wait, a moron would have figured this out. Technically, I guess that makes me no more than an imbecile in this area. Perhaps even an idiot. A “Profound Idiot” probably isn’t entirely out of the question.
For too much of the last three years I have made the mistake of lumping all three of them into the single category KID. Foolish… foolish man. As quoted in 2 Thessalupians (my favorite fictitious book of the Bible) “Woe unto him who gathers his children under the broad category; He shall rend his garments amidst much weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
The bright side? I’m a recovering imbecile and hope to become a moron any day now.
Let us pray: Lord, have mercy.
(This is part of the Group Writing Project taking place at Babylune. Pop over and submit your own mistake post; you could win 272.18 pesos!)
images: adorable kids | stupid
Oh really – so they have brought in a new father’s handbook, have they?
Because my Dad’s handbook definitely had a “one name for 3 kids” rule. Only his name for us was all our names sort of run together – MandaJeanieGB – completely interchangeable and useful in the plural and the specific!
You are a silly, silly man.
Tsk, tsk. One would expect more after three kids! I´ve just had my second and am rapidly figuring out just how different my two little guys are!
jeanie,
I only wish I could keep the names straight… I’m always reminded of the classic, Bill Cosby Himself. I laughed as a kid, but only now do I really understand.
Genesis,
One might expect more… but then one must also prepare oneself to be disappointed with me.
Your kids all have one thing in common. They’re adorable. They also look like “kids with opinions” to me. No weak chins in this group. I predict that your life will be very interesting in a few years. I’m glad you’ve realized the error of your ways. LOL.
Shine On,
Lill
Lill: Thanks.
Seriously not sure how you picked up on the “kids with opinions” from just those photos, but you were dead on! Especially the, um, well, all of them! 