Parenting job offer

Here is a unique job offer that was forwarded to me, and I pass on to everyone who is interested in applying for the job, or already in the said position below.

POSITION : Mom,  Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa,  Pop

JOB  DESCRIPTION :

• Long-term  team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an  often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess  excellent communication and organizational  skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will  include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour  shifts on call.
• Some overnight travel  required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and  endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
• Travel expenses not  reimbursed.
• Extensive courier duties  also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

• The rest  of your life.
• Must  be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
• Must be willing to bite  tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the  physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from  zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams  from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face  stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget  repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls,  maintain calendars and coordinate production of  multiple homework projects.
• Must have ability to  plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages  and mental outlooks.

• Must be willing to be  indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the  next.
• Must handle  assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,  plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
• Must always hope for the  best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final,  complete accountability for the quality of the end  product.
• Responsibilities also  include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the  facility.

POSSIBILITY  FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

• None.
• Your job is to remain in  the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining  and updating your skills, so that those in your  charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS  EXPERIENCE :

• None  required unfortunately.
• On-the-job  training offered on a continually exhausting  basis.

WAGES  AND COMPENSATION :

• Get this!  You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• A balloon payment is due  when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them  become financially independent.
• When you die, you give  them whatever is left.
• The oddest thing about  this reverse-salary scheme is that You actually enjoy it  and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no  health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid  holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies  limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs and kisses  for life if you play your cards right.

This is in appreciation of all parents for everything that YOU do on a daily basis, and doing a fabulous job at it too.