Parents of Columbine Shooters Suffering Too
April 20, 2009 by Jennifer Walker-Journey
Filed under Parenting
I don’t fault the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold. I’m not sure I would still stand by that statement had my child been at Columbine the day of that deadly macaque. But from my very distant perspective, as a parent, I feel for them.
Pink Columbine
“Dylan did not do this because of the way he was raised,” said Susan Klebold during a 2004 interview with New York Times columnist David Brooks. “He did it in contradiction to the way he was raised.”
Following the attack, Eric Harris’ parents wrote letters to the families of their son’s victims. To one injured girl they wrote, “We would have given our lives to prevent (the tragic events).”
Like the other victims, they are suffering from the deaths of their sons. They also suffer from the guilt of wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent it. Parents of troubled teens often think their battle is internal. I can’t imagine very many would assume their child would grow up to do such a heinous act. And that is why I feel for them. In my eyes, my son can do no wrong. But what if he did. I will always love him.
On this, the 10th anniversary of the Columbine attack, we are now wiser. Our schools have stepped-up security measures and threats by students are no longer taken lightly. I pray another attack never happens and puts our dear children at risk. And I pray for peace for the parents of Eric and Dylan. The financial cost to them has rung in at more than $1.5 million. But their emotional cost is, no doubt, priceless.
Source:
Denver Post
photo, Flickr, photogirl7
I absolutely agree that they too are suffering in anguish at the loss of their child and in knowing that their child caused such pain and destruction. And, they may be right that he acted in contradiction to the way he was raised. However, I do not agree that there wasn’t some indication as to where their sons mind was headed. To have been as meticulously prepared as these two boys were, both physically and mentally, these boys spent a lot of time researching, writing, reading and discussing their plans. They played horrific video games to increase their skills. All of these things could have been detected if the parents kept their antenna’s up. sometimes, you have to snoop. Look at what they’re writing. Look at what they’re playing. Look at what they’re researching. You’re not violating their privacy – you asserting your DUTY as a parent to make sure they’re not traveling down dangerous roads. I’m a parent, I’ve snooped, I’ve found things I didn’t like (nothing as extreme or black as this, but nonetheless, things I did not like) and I addressed the situation with my son. That’s my job. So, I am sorry for their loss, but they are not without responsibility unless their son was an adult, out of the house and completely out of their control.
Eric was a very intelligent boy. He was charming and knew exactly how to tell you exactly what he knew you wanted to hear. He was smart enough that even if you snooped, you would only know what he wanted you to know. He was scary smart like the psychopaths you see in movies. He fooled a lot of people. I would imagine his parents would have been among the easiest for him to fool because they would be the last to believe their sweet baby boy could be capable of this. Eric and Dylan did horrible things. Yes. And it is indeed tradgic that no one was able to help them and they died in such emotional torrment.
Most often when something horrific happens almost everyone is shocked about it. You always hear things like “He seemed so normal”, “He always seemed so nice”, etc. How often does something bad happen on the news when you hear people say “oh, I saw this coming…” Practically never.
As a parent you should realize that you have to parent looking forward and can only judge your effectiveness by looking back. Sure in hindsight there are things that could have been done differently. The Harris’ are good people. If it were their parenting that caused this tradgedy, then wouldn’t their other son have turned out to do the same thing?
Oh wait, different people respond differently to the same situations…people have their own minds and make their own choices. Society needs to realize that children are people, not possessions. A parent does not control a child. Ultimately, a child makes their own choice. Whether they make good choices out of fear of harm or good morals; or bad choices out of a need for attention or a mental disorder. You can guide them and guide them, but they actually have to choose to listen to you. Or not.
What exactly is it that the parents should have done? Asked the police to lock up their kids because they played violent video games? Really?
God bless the Harris’ and the Klebolds, wherever they are. As a parent I can imagine no greater tradgedy than losing a child. I am brought to tears every time I think of how they must have felt when they heard the news of a shooting at their kids school, the anxiety of wondering if their child was ok. Then, to their horror, not only finding out that he wasn’t ok, but also that he was responsible, and not only that but that he suffered such mental torrment that Dylan didn’t feel loved…and on top of that, having the entire world blame them for it and then sue them for millions of dollars, have to sell their house, move, change their names, go into hiding, get death threats, etc.
Eric and Dylan were responsible for their actions.
I agree with everything you said! Eric and Dylan were great and very smart boys but the people at Columbine High School didn’t see that. They only saw Eric and Dylan as losers who don’t deserve to be liked.
Eric and Dylan had a lot going through their heads and through the years we’ve figured out so much of why they committed their crime!
Eric and Dylan will always be missed! No one will ever forget them!
I feel for Eric and Dylan’s parents! They’ll always hurt from this crime! We can give them closer to get on with their lives!
RIP ERIC HARRIS AND DYLAN KLEBOLD!