Part of Where Marc Is At.
January 20, 2009 by Marc Audet
Filed under Relationships
So, I am locating myself, piece by piece. It may be some time as it is sometimes when the investigators go in to determine the cause of a plane crash. I am going through the wreckage so to speak. Or at least the fallout.
Over this past however long it has been. I have been trying to re-find myself. What with the health issues, medications, side effects and other short comings. No pun intended, but my problems with sex, libido and desire for sex altogether. Then there is the Buy it & lie it crap.
I’m not analyzing my spending yet. Though I have gone over points that keep coming up from before I knew Marye. I have e-mailed with my brother about my parents and their marriage. Had I been deceptive and selfish with $$$ and other things along with a number of other things. His reaction was “WHAT’S Going On?”
So I had to go into details with him about the last few months as well as my spending “buying & lying” habits. So he is up to speed now as to why I was asking out of the blue.
I also have some new safeguards put into place with my friend Ray.
My being sick won’t be a crutch or excuse. I am working at pushing through some of the problems right now and hopefully we as a couple can work out the others. I have been able to reduce the amount of Fentanyl my body absorbs per hour. The dosage has been reduced 50 micrigrams per hour, since going on the Gabapentin in September. We have dropped it 25 McG for the past couple of months and I pray I can be off of it in June. The breakthrough pain killer will be next. Each step I pray & hope will bring back the Marc i used to be or at best the Marc that God wants me to be.
I am trying to get back to a regular work schedule and full-time at that. When I had my annual review a couple of weeks ago, I told The Home Depot that I want to work more hours and go full-time as my body physically permits.
My therapy, mountain biking is going okay. Matthew and I rode between 10 and 12 miles of some difficult trails on Saturday. Other than some tire problems and a couple of hills being too much for my legs. Okay, more than a couple of hills. I am trying to push and progress. I still have an area or two to start really pushing through.
Our sex life is one of them. And it is an important one. I need to get this one on track and soon, I know. It isn’t right. It isn’t normal. But, it is, and it needs to change soon. And it is.
Enough for now. My goal over the next few weeks and months is to become the Marc that God wants me to be as a Husband to Marye and dad to this “Mob of Minions” here at the house. I use that term “mob of minions” in love. They are more commonly known as our six fan-tabulous kids at home. They are great kids. My wife isn’t too bad either, unless that’s what I want, 
Photo: Courtesy of Civil Defense Museum
I appreciate your openness Marc.
Thank you Lisa.
It is not easy.
And the fact that it is not easy makes me appreciate it more! My hubby and I are going through some tough things right now (mostly brought on by me). Our situation is the reverse of yours with regards to sex life.
God is working in our lives and marriage and I can’t help but think He will work things out for you and Marye too.
Keep seeking Him!
Thanks for reading Lisa.
When Marc and I were approached about doing Marriage Actually we prayed and talked about it. I mean, was there really a reason for us to do a marriage blog? What did we have to offer.
And I mentioned to Marc that one thing that was often lacking was reality. If we could offer reality and compassion then maybe we had something worthwhile.
I hope that is what we are offering here.
Hey Marye.
What you and Marc have to offer is openness and reality. And through that…hope and inspiration. Personally, you, Marye, your posts speak to me as the non-giving sexual partner. Your posts convict me (esp when you say how stinkin’ selfish it is to withold sex from your spouse) and God-willing, this will change. And I believe it will because God does not want our marriages to be so painful, He wants our marriages to glorify Him. Hubby and are are working towards a better marriage by trying to focus on God and each other.
Your blog is so refreshing because it is so REAL and honest. I feel very blessed that you decided to write this blog!
Awww…:::Sniff::::{{group hug}}}}
thanks Lisa.
Thanks Lisa for what you are saying…
Marc,
I am so glad to hear you’re working on what you need to work on, and getting some good results. That makes me very happy, and I’m sure your family appreciates it.
I hadn’t thought about the possibility that medication would affect your libido, but of course it does. Sorry if I led you down the wrong path earlier by overlooking that.
Take care and have fun with your Mob of Minions!
-Tanya
Two things from my personal experience.
1) There’s the right amount of excercise for your current body, there’s not enough AND there’s too much. Google “body for live” for weight training, and “fit or fat” for info on aerobics.
Both are excellent books that cover the topics from somewhat different viewpoints.
2) Working out of depression with Cathy was truly a matter of incremental improvements. but 3% better this week because we found A, 5% next month because we found B, and another 2% two months later because we found C . . . well, it all added up over time.
Incorporate the thing God led you to, and then ask Him for whatever is next.
You’ll get there.
Dave
Dhave,
1) There’s the right amount of excercise for your current body, there’s not enough AND there’s too much.
As far as exercise goes, the old Marine in me tends to push it. I am pretty good at trying to find the right amount. Other than my legs, the rest of me is in pretty good condition. Not as good as when I was in the gym six days a week, but much better than most 50 year olds. Because of the severe weight loss I have had my body fat is lower than when I was working out.
With the mountain biking, I am trying to regain some strength and conditioning. Aerobic will condition come once my leg strength begins to come together. Then I can start to ride a cadence / pace and begin aerobic conditioning.
God has blessed me with a very good ability of my body to fall back into shape and condition rapidly. When I say rapidly I mean faster than the average Joe. I am praying that will still be my case. Even when I was younger and in the Corps, every three months we took our PFT (Physical Fitness Test) and my run time decreased. I maxed out the pull ups at twenty and sit-ups at eighty in two minutes. I did no physical training in between.
When we were working out before I pushed my run time down on the elliptical machine and increased the resistance settings. I also had worked my weight training to the point that it surprised the trainers in a good way.
Once I am feeling better about my legs and conditioning it may be time to consider getting back to the gym. That will also depend on what Marye thinks about it. I know that before the Christmas she was considering checking on a gym membership.
2) Working out of depression…
I know that that is a a progression and i am working on it as well. With the MH folks at the VA I am hoping to come off the meds completely in February, with continued follow up. We have been removing meds and decreasing others. I am hoping and praying that as I am able to continue to decrease my other meds that will continue to help as well as the exercise will.
At work they are increasing my hours. Next week I will have thirty. I hope my body handles it well. Getting back to work should also help my psyche as well. I don’t want to push everything too fast, but I tend to push myself.
Most importantly I am hoping that all of this corrects things in me and that gets Marye and I back on the right track sexually.
That will help us in other areas of our home life as well to be happier.
Yes Kid? Do you agree for the most part?
I also have my friend Ray on the outside for accountability.
One step or pedal stroke at a time and again, and again, and again, and… you get the idea.
Most importantly God first.
yeah I agree with most of it. I also know what Dhave is saying because he told me much the same when we were working out and I wasn’t losing anything even when I was leg pressing 175 or more and doing all of that elliptical.
He was right then, and I suspect he is right now.
As far as the gym? I think we had better keep that discussion private. A four letter word comes to mind. B-i-k-e
But….your physical issues have nothing to do with your sex issues, in my opinion.
Let’s agree to disagree on that one…
Because I love you …
agreed.