Poor Me, Poor Me,
May 26, 2006 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Poor Me, Poor Me, Pour Me a drink…
Self pity. See how many you can identify with;
Pg. 8 – “No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.” – Bill W.
Pg. 15 – “My wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problems. It was fortunate, for my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half. during which I found little work. I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment.” – Bill W.
Pg. 61 – “He begins to think life doesn’t treat him right.” “He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying.”
Pg. 62 – “Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?” “Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.”
Pg. 84 – “That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.”
Pg. 86 – “Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”
Pg. 88 – “humbly saying to ourselves many times each day ‘Thy will be done.’ We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.”
Pg. 104 – “We have had long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear.”
Pg. 105 – “Their self-pity made them killjoys.”
Pg. 116 – “We wives found that, like everybody else, we were afflicted with pride, self-pity, vanity and all the things which go to make up the self-centered person; and we were not above selfishness or dishonesty.”
Pg. 127 – “These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism.”
I’ve been told hundreds of times to get over myself and I understand how it might feel if you haven’t grown a thick skin yet (i.e. you’re fairly new sober). But I believe the deal is we must get over ourselves and begin practicing letting go and letting God. I may have said it before but I’m happy to say it again. The God I understand today runs a truly magnificent show, even though, at times, it doesn’t feel that way. When it doesn’t feel that way, usually it’s because He isn’t doing it “my way.”
Feelings
I was recently at an AA meeting and sharing my experience, strength and hope and mentioned that AA never got me sober . A woman shared after me & said she was confused – I didn’t give AA credit for my recovery. Recovery for me has meant going back to the “chamber of horrors” & rescuing that “little boy” who was so horrifically abused & feel the terror, pain, anger & shame which had been locked in my body all those years. [I spent all my chidhood in orphanages in England & Australia].
The guy that shared after this woman started abusing me, saying I was anti AA & he hated me. I told him, he probably hated himself & I imagined he was quite mad – but wasn’t aware of it. All the Steppers that shared, after him, were quite adamant how AA had helped them & what I had shared was inappropriate. The amazing thing!! – I had the longest sobriety (21 years).
Here I am sharing with these Steppers – I have recovered from alcoholism and owed my recovery to Jesus Christ, not AA.
No one in the meeting mentioned how they felt, they read something out of the Big Book, & then discussed what they read – like being at school, very controlling.
I imagine some of the people in that particular meeting could be quite dangerous, like the guy raging at me and making me wrong. I imagine if Steppers are not dealing with their core issues, they drink, commit suicide, or act out their rage in other addictions. I’m not anti AA, if anything, AA has helped me deal with my own history. I imagine AA to be one giant dysfunctional family, & probably would have never have recovered, without it. It was my therapist who made me aware that AA was very much like my childhood (controlling & oppressive). The only way for me to recover “little Micky” was to take the feelings I felt in AA, back to my childhood. That’s what recovery is all about but obviously one has to quit drinking, first. I am grateful to AA, because it helped me to get “little Micky,” back. Today, I’m happy, joyous & free.
Peace Be With You
Micky