Purposeful Forgetting

“It is an attitude which can only be changed by a deep and honest search of our motives and actions.”

In the 12 and 12, on pg. 79, when they say “We clung to the claim that when drinking we never hurt anybody but ourselves” they’re talking about people like me. That was my attitude for a very long time.

My recollection of the moment is a bit fuzzy but there are words that are as clear in my memory today as they were at that specific moment when my wife at the time told me about the knot in her stomach that she lived with every night when she heard sirens and I wasn’t home yet.

The sentence right after the one above says “Our families didn’t suffer, because we always paid the bills and seldom drank at home.” Yeah – for some time she would get enough from the paycheck to pay bills and the rest was mine. And I didn’t think there was a problem. Of course, when the paycheck wasn’t large enough, it wasn’t my da** fault we didn’t have the funds to pay the mortgage! Hey – that’s how commissioned sales people live – don’t ya’ know?

The 12 and 12 goes on to talk about “Our reputations hadn’t suffered, because we were certain few knew of our drinking.” Reputation? I had one. As I strolled into the Ground Round each night, my reputation preceded me. I’d hear “Here comes the turkey man!” That’s right – 101 Wild Turkey. I’d been going to this gin mill for quite some time. I doubt my children were very proud of a father who was called the “turkey man” for that reason. But I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself?

“What real harm, therefore, had we done? No more, surely, than we could easily mend with a few casual apologies.”

I’m here to tell you that if you’re about to consider your amends, your list of people you’ve harmed, and you can identify with any of what I’ve just said, casual apologies will NOT cut it! Nor should they… because we have done harm, real harm.