Comments on: Question about autistic adults in relationships

By: eduardo

eduardo — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 10:43:52 +0000

I’m not going to sugar coat it for you– your son, especially since he’s a boy, is in for some overwhelming humiliation and suffering in this department. The pain will drive him insane. This is actually, I think, one of the worst parts of having an ASD. It’s not going to be pretty, and it will probably torture him into adulthood as well.

There’s nothing you can do to prepare him or be there for him, either. I just hope that maybe there are some resources for him, since there weren’t any for me when I was growing up (I have an ASD).

By: Echovoice

Echovoice — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:07:55 +0000

My dear
I feel for you.
What you are saying is very typical of many people’s stories. I have been there for nearly 5 years and it’s terribly painful.
Are you certain he is not seeing the other girls on the internet behind your back? Are you certain he means what he says to you?

By: PonZi

PonZi — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 20:35:38 +0000

I need some advice regarding a guy I met on the Internet. We really liked eachother and after we met, we entered an undefined sexual relationship. I felt there were emotions involved, so I accepted the sexual part, as he seems to communicate better that way than with words.
The problem is, he continues to chat with other girls on the Internet and never wants to speak to me over the phone, we just text or chat. I would like someone to tell me whether he could be autistic, because I don’t know what to think.
He seems to be a caring person, seems to have feelings for me when we meet, but isn’t able or willing to communicate. When we do talk – text, that is – the conversation is extremely interesting, intelligent and we also talk about emotions, but he is very secretive about his emotions, although very interested in hearing about mine. The last time we met was a month ago (yes, I know () I kept asking him what the problem was, he said that he was confused and asked me to wait until he makes up his mind about what he wants. He doesn’t seem to want me to let go completely, but doesn’t send any signals about wanting a relationship either. He keeps saying he is not a good person, or that he is lost, that no matter whether he cares or not – he doesn’t communicate. He is not a regular guy and I can’t analyze him by the common rules. He’s not simply the playing type, so I don’t know what he is. Please help. Thanks.

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:29:05 +0000

My guy just broke up with me…we have had issues with sex and now he says he “lost interest.” Not sure if I should just be close friends as he wants, run, or try…any advice would be helpful!

By: angie

angie — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:03:37 +0000

Hi alex

read your message and obviously stumbled across this site because I am at the end of any wisdom. I am in a relationship with a man whom I believe suffers from autism but had no diagnosis. I love him very much but the relationship is becoming increasingly difficult if not impossible.

I am just wondering if you got any responses to your post and any help in coming to a diagnosis. Any other info would be much appreciated

By: Kendra

Kendra — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:57:45 +0000

I’m 20 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend who is 22 and is autistic it’s not a severe case however it is noticeable. I didn’t clue in right away but after finding out from a friend of his it all makes sense. He is very loving, kind, caring, and great in bed haha. But he does speak in a monotone and there are occassions when he will walk on his toes which is one characteristic which appears in some who have autism. We don’t have many problems however the main one is communication I say one thing and he seems to interprete it completely different which men without autism tend to do as well. One of our major problems is the fact that I am so very social and he would rather it just be he and I most of the time..and he tends to get quite jealous. My boyfriend is also very sensitive and it takes some getting use to but as of right now I’m happy with him and we are dealing with our problems and have a pretty happy relationship. He recently asked me to marry him and I think I’m going to say yes, I don’t think there is a better guy out there.

By: Montana Leet

Montana Leet — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 08:28:38 +0000

Hey all,

My name is Montana Leet, I just turned 18, and I am currently crushing on a 15 year old autistic girl. Now, do immediately give me dirty looks, I am all for staying within the confines of the law (in fact I prefer to wait until marriage), am well established in the health business, being associated with Tuality Healthcare, am an established proponent against Kaiser Permanente, and even have Epilepsy myself. I am also a feminist guy, and I speak against sexism whenever possible. I will do nothing to harm any female.

Anyways, I have not talked to her, and I do not know her name… But she is the cutest damn thing ever. And I have seen her talking to other persons, and she seems extremely polite and respectful. Yes, like everyone else here, I have seen no emotion in her. But I would definitely like to give it a shot, and if not that, then be her friend. Most persons here in this thread have warned against dating someone who is autistic, but, for me I think, as long as I know the emotion is there, I do not need to see it. As long as I know that someone genuinely likes me, or furthermore loves me, I do not need them to showcase it. This girl, she appears to be very nice. Autistic or not, I have not had that same impression with anyone else, ever. So, in your honest opinions, should I go for it, or leave her be?

By: Someone too

Someone too — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:56:51 +0000

Re: Mama’s autistic baby, previous post with added note:

Also be sure to teach your son how to cook and clean up after himself if you can. It is very important to know how, and very annoying to deal with a grown man who cannot do these things for himself!

By: Someone too

Someone too — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:38:56 +0000

I am in a relationship with a man with Asperger’s, have been for more than 10 years. I am leaving because I can’t take it anymore. He is Spock. He doesn’t get anything and thinks he knows everything. I am so sick of being the only one to contribute in the relationship and I can no longer go without normal human exchanges with other people. He makes me sick. Literally. My health is suffering because the relationship is abnormal and I have no love in my life at all. It doesn’t bother him a bit. You shouldn’t worry about your son, you should worry about the girl and tell her to run, hard, long, and fast or she will regret if for the rest of her life and their potential child’s life. Recommend to him that he never have children because he will probably be unable to discipline a child properly, nor will he have any common sense about safety and basic human needs of such child. Maybe since you know about it early, interventions can help, but Autism is the most inflexible, inpenetrable, immovable obstacle to normal human relationships that I have ever seen or experienced. I am so so so tired. And I am so so so done. Never again will I put myself in a position like this. Relationships with autistic men are nearly impossible. You will be the parent and the lover. The breadwinner and the maid. The list is never ending. At that point it is time to ask, what in God’s name do you need them for. I certainly don’t recommend it unless you are in training for martyrdom. Good Freaking Luck!

Never again in life, because life is too too short to live it in such a miserable way.

By: Regarding Romantic Relationships

Regarding Romantic Relationships — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:57:20 +0000

[...] a November 16, 2006, post on autistic adults in relationships, a couple of questions and comments from readers: A suggestion about a dating [...]