Recovery Musing #5
October 8, 2008 by angelique
Filed under Women's Health
(This is the last in a series of musings. The questions are meant to make you think — and sometimes there just aren’t any answers… at least not easy ones. I’d love to hear your feedback on them.)
- What if your eating disorder is keeping you from living the life you were supposed to lead?
I think it is and i’m so down about it! It’s been 10 years for me this fall. Last night I was at my support group and people were saying that they always felt empty like they never had a purpose until they had their ED. I never felt like that! I had a million things I wanted to do, I got good grades, I was good at a lot of different things. Then I got sick and I sort of lost myself. I mean I barely finished high school then relapsed twice when I went to college. and I didn’t want to do productive stuff anymore except be good at anorexia. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t gotten an ED but that just kills me so I try not to think about it.
Then I read this blog and I see how much this still affects your life (angelique). It makes me feel like there’s no hope! Sorry to leave such a long comment, I am just really down and feel like no one understands.
Claire:
I am with you in spirit — and it does get better. I promise!
Yes, my life is still affected and always will be on some level, I suppose. But it’s not anything like living in The Dark Place (you know what I’m talking about, I’m sure!)
Boy, though — I do know how hopelessness. I can empathize.
Hugs!
thanks Angelique. It’s good to hear that someone understands. yeah I feel like there is a dark place – and then there is kind of a limbo. Like where you’re still trapped but not necessarily deathly ill. Those 2 are all I’ve known. Hopefully someday I will be happy again.