Regretting Motherhood – Babylune Post

Kate over at Babylune has a great post called Regretting Motherhood about a new book circulating in France, No Kid: Forty Reasons Not to Have A Child. It’s difficult for me to understand it’s cultural context, so take my analysis with a grain of salt.

The gist according to Kate’s post is that a mother-of-two has written a book saying she regrets having children. It’s too hard, it’s painful and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t do it.

Kate understands the socio-political context better than I do because she resides in Germany and she has this to say, “Still, I have to support any effort that separates a woman’s fertility from a political agenda. The fertility mania that has been sweeping Europe, about which I have written before, urges women to have more children so that those children can support pension plans, without giving mothers any real support or meaningful assurances that their children will have educational and work opportunities in the future.

The responsibility of having children is one that belongs to their parents, completely and absolutely. And because we accept that, we should not feel any obligation to have children for any reason other than love. Anyone who suggests otherwise, regardless of what political party he belongs to, can bear his own children.

And, even though I love my children more than life itself, I have no trouble thinking of reasons not to have children in the larger theoretical sense. I read a lot and between climate change, terrorism, war, and racism, there is a lot of bad stuff we have to prepare our children to (potentially/probably) experience.”

Her post is worth reading in its entirety so click here.

I only copy and paste my original comment from her blog here: I can see where it would have a place in feminism. For thousands of years our only function in life was to breed. Now, we get to choose our own function. I think it’s better for some women to choose no kids because motherhood is really NOT a piece of cake.

Perhaps her intention is to tell the truth about what kind of sacrifices being a mother is about. I mean, in the USA we act like it’s this big fulfilling party. Lots of mothers are shocked to discover how labor-intensive it is. How many bad feelings are attached. How really self-sacrificing you have to be to make it work. Much of what we hear about motherhood is fictional. Or it doesn’t turn out to be truly universal or it’s way more complicated than it was made out to be. But, then we feel guilty for acknowledging that fact.

Not everyone is cut out for it. Perhaps the author’s intent is to point out the reality of the labor, work and sacrifice involved and then if you decide you want it anyway you’re making a better decision?

Motherhood is delicious, but much more painful than I thought it would be. I wouldn’t change it for myself, but I can see where some women might decide it’s not really something they would like doing. It is a pretty permanent decision so perhaps it deserves more scrutiny. It’s not like you can take it back or change your mind.

So maybe a book like this has a valid place in the collective consciousness of femininity.