Reminders Are Always Such Great Lessons
March 3, 2008 by laura
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
I am home sick today. A really heinous cold/flu has been going around my office for the last two months. This weekend, I caught it. First let me tell you, how amazed I am that it took me 2 months to catch this thing. Usually I am the first (or only) person who is sick in my office. Never the last!
I stayed home, because if I didn’t try and get as much rest as possible - this thing that I have, would never leave my body. So I stayed home, and tried to sleep it off. When that didn’t work I took some advil, and an amazing amount of water- forced myself onto the sofa, and watch old movies. Thank goodness for movies, since I can’t seem to do television these days.
This situation, has gotten me to think about people with CFS who stay home. People, who either choose to not work, or are not able to work. It’s not easy. I go stir-crazy after a few hours of being home. I am frustrated with myself, because I am not able to stand up for more than 10 minutes at a time. Even making soup is out of the question, unless the Campbell family gets involved.
I need to be able to work for my own sanity. Whether I should be working or not is not a pertinent question. I am not able to stay home.
Would the quality of my physical health, be better if I did stay home? Perhaps yes, perhaps no.
In my personal situation, not going to work would do me harm mentally, socially, and emotionally. I have tendencies to retreat into my own head. If I took the job out of the equation, I think that agoraphobia might start to apply to me. In no way, am I saying that agoraphobia and CFS are connected. Just that it may apply, in my own case.
There is really no real point to this post. Just to say, that sometimes I forget what its like to live with the day to day struggles of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. And having little setbacks, such as an annoying cold (plus), brings back a reminder of what the fight is about.
Wishing you a speedy recovery
And thanks so much for the heads up on the video!
Yup. Although I’m surprised that I have less of a problem with wide open spaces and crowds than I used to - I think maybe not having my remaining shreds of energy constantly syphoned off gives me more reserves to deal with those things when I finally encounter them. My two 10-minute bouts of driving in the last few months have scared the shit out of me though!!
Over the past couple of years I’ve found that it’s more a sense of being part of a community, having a variety of activities, and helping other people out that’s important to me, not necessarily “work” (although I really, really need the money - cross fingers for this summer!) - I’ve built an online-skype-phone community, I try and transmit knowledge that way and help DH as much as I can, and I’ve got 101 different interests and projects to keep these few walls from getting too stale. There are a multitude of things I miss from “work”. There are a multitude of things I miss from school. But surprisingly, I’ve adapted pretty darn well to the wait until I can do those things again.
If you promised me that this was forever though, I might go off the deep end.
Thanks Alicia,
the video is a good one….makes you think about whether the health industry even wants us to get healthy. After watching that video, I think the answer might be, “no they don’t”.
Jenna,
I am really glad to know that you have adapted so successfully. I know how difficult it is….mostly because I failed at it.
Even when I was at my worst, I wasn’t very good at doing the “at home” thing. I was always trying to get to the next level….I couldn’t get past the guilt of staying home.
Thinking that this “state of illness” as forever (eventhough its called chronic” would defeat anyone. So I choose not to think of it that way….and it sounds to me that you think along the same lines as I do.
Balance has always been a difficult one for me. I know that I need to work, and that I need rest in order to take care of myself properly…but I can’t seem to manage it perfectly. Perhaps striving for perfection, is part of the cause of failure.
Oh, I was right there with you - I used to laugh hysterically at the thought of being a stay-at-home-mom, just couldn’t imagine doing it. Then I found myself a stay-at-home-wife, without even a garden to look after - talk about demoralizing! I think it took at least a year before I quit trying to *at least* be able to … (have the dishes clean, have the clean clothes outweigh the dirty ones, keep up with birthday cards/christmas gifts, whatever). It was a crash course in finding “worth” outside of *doing*. I think it helps that I’m a naturally optimistic person: given the choice between redefining all my attitudes or falling into that depression hole, I eventually went with the redefinition ;).
Perfect is the enemy of good. And reaching can be the enemy of healing. I think the biggest thing I did was just to rework the timescale: I still aim to do X, but it doesn’t have to be this month or this year - I’ll get to it!